Schedule Cleared

This week was/is packed full.  Three cleaning jobs, babysitting, karate, haircut (in Kalamazoo), and getting ready for this weekend, on top of just the everyday stuff.  I had also promised the kids that I would take them back to see my Grandma at least one more time before she passed.  There was absolutely no time in this crazy week for a visit.  I added it onto next weeks list of things to do.

Then a God thing happened.  My cleaning job for today was rescheduled, and the babysitting job this afternoon was cancelled and all of a sudden I had an hour early this afternoon for a visit with my Grandma.

My parents had told me this morning when they stopped by that she wasn't doing well, that they question whether she will make it through the weekend.  It suddenly became very clear why God worked out my schedule the way He did.

The kids and I headed out to the nursing home.  They know that she is closing in on her last days.  They understand what will happen when she passes on.  Jilli says, "Grandpa will be waiting for her in Heaven."  Tyler says "he hopes it isn't as cold for Grandma's funeral as it was for Grandpa's." And Micah, my sweet Micah just gives me a look.

We make it to Grandma's room, she is sleeping, I wake her up.  She sees me and smiles, then she sees the kids behind me and her face lights right up.  She latched onto Jilli's hand and didn't let it go for a long time.  She kept telling me how beautiful the kids were, she kept thanking me for bringing them in to see her.  At one point the kids were getting a little restless and she just smiled and said that they were fine, they could bounce on her bed, they wouldn't get hurt.  Now if you knew my Grandma, you would know how absurd that sounded to me.

After a little while, I told my Grandma that we needed to get going.  She looked at me with sad eyes, looked at the kids and said "oh, I am the most selfish person in the world, but you just got here, can't you stay a little longer?"  How my heart broke.  How I wished I could have just sat back down and stayed another 3 hours with her.

Emotionally I wasn't prepared for our visit today.  How do you go knowing this could be the last time you see her on this earth?  How do you prepare for that?  How do you prepare your kids for that?

The time came that we had to leave, I couldn't hold it off any longer.  She struggled to get up.  I asked her to stay in her chair, but she was so worried about us and that elevator again.  She slowly walked us down the hall.  She was so worried... It breaks my heart that if I never see my Grandma this side of Heaven again, the last picture I will have of her in my head, is her standing in the hall while we are waiting for the elevator doors to close and she has a look of utter fear on her face.

But it's the picture of pure joy when she saw the kids walk into her room that I will keep tucked into my heart.  That's the face that I want to hold onto... Thank you God for clearing my schedule today, so that I could spend some precious time with my very precious Grandma...