These past few months have sent me down the road of reflection. I have thought hard about what I would write when my Grandma finally grasped Jesus hand and walked into Eternity with Him. Well, she took that walk with Him last Thursday. She took one last breath here on Earth and opened her eyes to Heaven.
When pondering what I would write, I felt at a loss. My dear friend said to me, "if God wants you to write He will give you the words." I have prayed and it is only now that I feel God moving me to put words to my thoughts.
I have felt guilty that I couldn't come up with a lovely flowery tribute for my Grandma. Although I have always felt loved by her, I never had a real close bond to her. She always seems to hold us kids at a distance. Where we could climb up in Grandpa's lap, Grandma's was off limits. That is kind of how I felt. But these last few weeks of her life, I have gotten a different perspective of who my Grandma was.
She was a women who loved deeply even though she didn't show it through affection. God gifted her with the love of nursing and that is where her love shined through. I remember when I first had Micah he was a little jaundiced. I remember her calling me and telling me to strip the baby down to just a diaper (and if I was daring, take that off too) and lay him on the floor in a sunny spot. I told her I would do just that and after a 4 hour nap in the warm sun, Micah didn't look so yellow anymore. The next day at his doctor's appointment I was told that he looked remarkably better. She was showing me her love with that phone call.
I also know that when you love deeply, you get wounded deeply and because of this, I think she guarded her heart. Only these past few months do I think she finally allowed her heart show. I will never forget the way her eyes lit up when she saw my kids walk into her room for a visit. The way she would just watch them and smile as they talked or played. Her mind had slowly started to fade, but what she forgot was not names and faces. She forgot to guard her heart, she forgot that she didn't usually allow a smile on her face when kids got squirmy. She forgot that she didn't usually tell us how much she loved us. She forgot she usually didn't show much affection. I saw more smiles on her face, I heard more "I love you's", I had more squeezes of my hand, hugs around the neck and kisses on my cheek than I have had in all my years combined. These past few months have been a gift.
Even though my Grandma lacked in area's that I have at times wished she didn't lack in, there was one area that she had an abundance of. Faith.
My Grandma had lived through some very difficult times. Her life was not easy, from a young age she was expected to care for her family while her mother was gone working and her father was in a hospital bed with tuberculosis during the Depression. She experienced great loss when she lost the ability to have her own children, she had lived through times of deep turmoil. But through it all she had held onto her faith. I think at times she had clung desperately to it. Even as she lay in bed last week, her last words spoken were her crying out to her Savior to come for her.
I have often wondered how people can go through life without a relationship with Jesus. When life gets difficult, when the world gets scary, where do you go, who do you put your trust in? What purpose is there in life without Jesus? This life is but a blink of an eye and it's gone, is the money you earned/saved, the things you acquired, the places you've gone worth anything without Jesus? Even my children's lives are worth nothing without Jesus. It is my greatest prayer that my children will always walk with the Lord. I pray the Faith that was passed down from my Grandma, to my Mother, from my Mother to me, and now from me to my children, will be a Faith that weathers the storms, that stands up to the World and all that entices, and that carries them their whole life. A Faith like my Grandma's.
Tomorrow I have to say goodbye to a Grandma I was just discovering. For that my heart is sad, it feels a great loss. But there will be a day that I will be with her again. Just like Tyler said when I told him she died, "don't worry Mommy we will see her again in Heaven." I can just imagine the next time I see her she will throw her arms around me in a big hug, give me a kiss, take me by the hand and show me all the places in Heaven she and Grandpa love (including the mudslide). That day will be a joyful reunion, not because she showed her love with hugs and kisses, but by passing on a legacy of Faith.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Thursday, June 14, 2012
My Field
I am drawn by beauty that God has created for us to enjoy. So often as I drive I see things that I wish I could stop and take a picture of. Most of the time, I don't have my camera, so my mind snaps pictures. This day however, I had my camera, my husband gladly stopped to allow me a few moments to capture what had been painted before me in a sea of all shades pink and purple with green splashed around.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Memorial Day Weekend
I don't feel much like writing right now. My eyes have seen too many tears in the last few days. My heart has been heavy. There is so many thoughts and feelings flowing through me I don't know where to begin or where to end.
So for now I am going to share some pictures from Memorial Day weekend.
The eagles nest...
White River Lighthouse Museum...
Lighthouse Tower...
The end of the pier...
Until next time...
So for now I am going to share some pictures from Memorial Day weekend.
The eagles nest...
White River Lighthouse...
The end of the pier...
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Soon, Very Soon...
The end is a whisper away. It is one breath not taken. It is very close...
Last night I went with my sister to say goodbye to my Grandma. It was late, we were not sure she would make it through the night. I sat next to her bed holding her fragile hand, if I tried to pull it away she would grasp it all the tighter. It was almost like a life line for her. She would move in and out of consciousness. At times she would move her head slightly and look at you. There were times when you could tell she was trying to smile. At one point I held up the picture of my Grandpa as a young handsome man dressed in uniform. I told her to look at him, my sister said, "Grandma, Grandpa is waiting for you in Heaven." The tears streamed down my face. She looked at the picture for the longest time.
She would go through periods where she didn't appear to breath, then she would gasp for air. My heart would give a start every time. I watched her neck to see if it was still jumping with her pulse.
At one point when she gasped for air, she looked right at me and said "Oh Lyn." It was barely a mumble, but it was there. That will be the last time I hear my name on her lips. My heart breaks.
As the time slowly ticked by, it was time for my final goodbye. I don't think I will see her again this side of Heaven. I held her hand, kissed her cheek and told her "Grandma, I love you. You go see those pearly gates, go see the streets of gold, find the precious jewels in the rivers. Micah, Tyler, and Jillian are sure there is a mountain in Heaven with a huge mudslide that you can slide down, you go find that mountain with Grandpa and slide down the mudslide. Micah, Tyler, and Jillian love you and we will see you in Heaven, I love you Grandma... Goodbye. She looked at me, and said "God loves you too."
Oh my heart... it breaks. She is the first of seven children, 4 of them are waiting for her in Heaven, Grandpa is waiting for her, her parents are waiting, and Jesus will be coming to take her by the hand and lead her home.
As we left, tears streaming down our faces, it was one of the hardest things I have had to do. It took everything in me not to turn around go back in her room, curl up next to her on her bed and hold her through the night.
This morning the report came that she had a peaceful night. I am thankful. My parents will be with her today, my sister will go like she has for the past several weeks to sit with her. Hard to believe it was only yesterday morning that Laurie wheeled her outside for a few minutes of sweet sunshine. It will be the last time she goes outside here on earth.
Soon she will be free, soon she will be holding the hand of her sweetheart Tom, searching for that mountain with the mudslide.
Last night I went with my sister to say goodbye to my Grandma. It was late, we were not sure she would make it through the night. I sat next to her bed holding her fragile hand, if I tried to pull it away she would grasp it all the tighter. It was almost like a life line for her. She would move in and out of consciousness. At times she would move her head slightly and look at you. There were times when you could tell she was trying to smile. At one point I held up the picture of my Grandpa as a young handsome man dressed in uniform. I told her to look at him, my sister said, "Grandma, Grandpa is waiting for you in Heaven." The tears streamed down my face. She looked at the picture for the longest time.
She would go through periods where she didn't appear to breath, then she would gasp for air. My heart would give a start every time. I watched her neck to see if it was still jumping with her pulse.
At one point when she gasped for air, she looked right at me and said "Oh Lyn." It was barely a mumble, but it was there. That will be the last time I hear my name on her lips. My heart breaks.
As the time slowly ticked by, it was time for my final goodbye. I don't think I will see her again this side of Heaven. I held her hand, kissed her cheek and told her "Grandma, I love you. You go see those pearly gates, go see the streets of gold, find the precious jewels in the rivers. Micah, Tyler, and Jillian are sure there is a mountain in Heaven with a huge mudslide that you can slide down, you go find that mountain with Grandpa and slide down the mudslide. Micah, Tyler, and Jillian love you and we will see you in Heaven, I love you Grandma... Goodbye. She looked at me, and said "God loves you too."
Oh my heart... it breaks. She is the first of seven children, 4 of them are waiting for her in Heaven, Grandpa is waiting for her, her parents are waiting, and Jesus will be coming to take her by the hand and lead her home.
As we left, tears streaming down our faces, it was one of the hardest things I have had to do. It took everything in me not to turn around go back in her room, curl up next to her on her bed and hold her through the night.
This morning the report came that she had a peaceful night. I am thankful. My parents will be with her today, my sister will go like she has for the past several weeks to sit with her. Hard to believe it was only yesterday morning that Laurie wheeled her outside for a few minutes of sweet sunshine. It will be the last time she goes outside here on earth.
Soon she will be free, soon she will be holding the hand of her sweetheart Tom, searching for that mountain with the mudslide.
Friday, June 8, 2012
STANDING
"To not take a stand is taking a stand." I heard that this past week and it has stuck with me. It is something that will probably stay with me the rest of my life.
Yesterday we met friends at a playground and there was a little girl there who was bullying our kids. She was saying and doing things that were mean and rude. Most of what she did I didn't hear about until after we left the playground. But what I said to the kids later was "you don't have to take that from her, you stand up for what you know is right."
Sadly what happened tonight is a picture of what our culture is. People bullying other people and those being bullied not really speaking out for what is right. The bullies are selfish people that want everything their way, and 99.9% of the time it isn't God's way.
I have stayed away from political stuff for awhile now. Since the Bill of Rights was nullified with the signing of the NDAA which...
Grants the U.S. military the “legal” right to conduct secret kidnappings of U.S. citizens, followed by indefinite detention, interrogation, torture and even murder. This is all conducted completely outside the protection of law, with no jury, no trial, no legal representation and not even any requirement that the government produce evidence against the accused.
I don't have any desire to test that lovely law, but... There are just some things that I need to take a stand on.
There are bullies that are trying to destroy our great United States of America. I pray most people recognize this, but sadly I think most people have no idea. I don't think people understand what is coming if we don't get this country turned around. I don't think people realize that freedom is a precious gift from God and the decisions that our leaders are making or even declaring, takes us further out of his protective hand.
Do you know that it is being argued in the Congress to have selective abortions? That if you are pregnant with a girl and you want a boy you can kill it. Did you hear that our Vice President said last week he understood and agreed with the Chinese law of 1 child per family? Where does God tell us that we can kill our children because they are the wrong sex, or to kill any extra children the government deems to many? Isn't God the giver and taker of life?
The government is slowly taking steps to control every aspect of your life. When a preschooler has her lunch taken away because it "doesn't meet the U.S. Department of Agriculture guidelines" and replaced with nasty cafeteria food, there is something gravely wrong. That preschooler had a turkey/cheese sandwich, banana, apple, apple juice, and chips. Sounds pretty healthy to me! And don't get me started on what Mayor Bloomburg did this past week. I am 35 years old and I have the right to drink as much pop as I want to drink. What are they going to ban next? Are they going to start rationing out only vegetables and fruit? The Government has been cracking down on farms, so that you can't grow your own food. Tell me why would they do that? Hmmm.... perhaps to make people completely dependent on them? If they control our food, they control us.
Did you know it was illegal to allow your kids to have a lemonade stand? I have got to be kidding, right?! I wish I was, you have to have a permit to run a lemonade stand at the end of your driveway. You can read about it HERE.
OK, so most people would say that the USA is too big to fail. WRONG. Are you watching what is happening in Greece? That is coming this way unless this out of control government is cleaned up. This week Greece announced that it has run out of medicine. It only has 30 days left. It has run out of money, the prisons have run out of food. How did all this start? With financial irresponsible socialists running the country. Who is running our country?? You can read a little something about who is running our country HERE.
Make no mistake, this has been a slow and steady fall. Woodrow Wilson was an an extremely progressive president that set a lot of destructive policies/laws into motion. By the way, whenever you hear/see the word "progressive" beware, it's not a good thing. I also want to say that Obama isn't the biggest problem, he has definitely speed things up in destroying freedom, but there are much bigger fish that need to be fried.
Socialism is not good. Nationalized Health Insurance is not good. This is coming from someone who pays dearly every month for healthcare. Would it be nice for us not to have to pay that "mortgage sized payment" every month and let the government handle it? No, because the non-monetary cost would be to great, our freedom is on the line. I could tell you stories about what happens with socialized healthcare. Sad, sad stories that Doctors I have worked for have told me when they went to countries that have socialized medicine. I pray the Supreme Court does the right thing...
I have to applaud my countrymen from across the pond. They stood up this week and did the hard thing to bring their state back into order. I have the utmost respect for Gov. Walker who did not back down to the bullies that tried to recall him. When someone or some organization gets too much power, it turns ugly quick. I am not going to say that the unions were not good for anything. And I know there have been situations where corporations were not treating their employees well. But for the most part, I am not a Labor Union fan. I don't need to go into all the reasons why. That could be a whole blog in itself.
If you don't know this already, let me be the first to say... This next election is the most important election since President Lincoln was elected president. Our next President will have to work hard to 'right' our country from the years of corruption. But it's not just the President, it is those in Congress as well. We need to vote people in there that are trustworthy, that will will hard for freedom. We all need to be informed. We need to arm ourselves with information that is true. Mainstream Media is not the place to go to get informed.
You need to know what you believe before you can make a stand. Once you know what you believe, then STAND on it. I know it's not popular. I understand that when I say I do not agree with Gay Marriage, people take offense. I know that it's not popular when you say abortion is murder. When some women might say, "I would never choose to abort my child, but I don't want to take that 'choice' from another women" and I say "murder should never be a choice!" Do Not Murder is one of the 10 Commandments.
I could go on and on. I however need to end this so that I may move on with my day...
Thanking God for the freedoms I have today, praying for the freedoms my children will have tomorrow and STANDING for my beliefs, which if you haven't guessed are based on the Bible.
Yesterday we met friends at a playground and there was a little girl there who was bullying our kids. She was saying and doing things that were mean and rude. Most of what she did I didn't hear about until after we left the playground. But what I said to the kids later was "you don't have to take that from her, you stand up for what you know is right."
Sadly what happened tonight is a picture of what our culture is. People bullying other people and those being bullied not really speaking out for what is right. The bullies are selfish people that want everything their way, and 99.9% of the time it isn't God's way.
I have stayed away from political stuff for awhile now. Since the Bill of Rights was nullified with the signing of the NDAA which...
Grants the U.S. military the “legal” right to conduct secret kidnappings of U.S. citizens, followed by indefinite detention, interrogation, torture and even murder. This is all conducted completely outside the protection of law, with no jury, no trial, no legal representation and not even any requirement that the government produce evidence against the accused.
I don't have any desire to test that lovely law, but... There are just some things that I need to take a stand on.
There are bullies that are trying to destroy our great United States of America. I pray most people recognize this, but sadly I think most people have no idea. I don't think people understand what is coming if we don't get this country turned around. I don't think people realize that freedom is a precious gift from God and the decisions that our leaders are making or even declaring, takes us further out of his protective hand.
Do you know that it is being argued in the Congress to have selective abortions? That if you are pregnant with a girl and you want a boy you can kill it. Did you hear that our Vice President said last week he understood and agreed with the Chinese law of 1 child per family? Where does God tell us that we can kill our children because they are the wrong sex, or to kill any extra children the government deems to many? Isn't God the giver and taker of life?
The government is slowly taking steps to control every aspect of your life. When a preschooler has her lunch taken away because it "doesn't meet the U.S. Department of Agriculture guidelines" and replaced with nasty cafeteria food, there is something gravely wrong. That preschooler had a turkey/cheese sandwich, banana, apple, apple juice, and chips. Sounds pretty healthy to me! And don't get me started on what Mayor Bloomburg did this past week. I am 35 years old and I have the right to drink as much pop as I want to drink. What are they going to ban next? Are they going to start rationing out only vegetables and fruit? The Government has been cracking down on farms, so that you can't grow your own food. Tell me why would they do that? Hmmm.... perhaps to make people completely dependent on them? If they control our food, they control us.
Did you know it was illegal to allow your kids to have a lemonade stand? I have got to be kidding, right?! I wish I was, you have to have a permit to run a lemonade stand at the end of your driveway. You can read about it HERE.
OK, so most people would say that the USA is too big to fail. WRONG. Are you watching what is happening in Greece? That is coming this way unless this out of control government is cleaned up. This week Greece announced that it has run out of medicine. It only has 30 days left. It has run out of money, the prisons have run out of food. How did all this start? With financial irresponsible socialists running the country. Who is running our country?? You can read a little something about who is running our country HERE.
Make no mistake, this has been a slow and steady fall. Woodrow Wilson was an an extremely progressive president that set a lot of destructive policies/laws into motion. By the way, whenever you hear/see the word "progressive" beware, it's not a good thing. I also want to say that Obama isn't the biggest problem, he has definitely speed things up in destroying freedom, but there are much bigger fish that need to be fried.
Socialism is not good. Nationalized Health Insurance is not good. This is coming from someone who pays dearly every month for healthcare. Would it be nice for us not to have to pay that "mortgage sized payment" every month and let the government handle it? No, because the non-monetary cost would be to great, our freedom is on the line. I could tell you stories about what happens with socialized healthcare. Sad, sad stories that Doctors I have worked for have told me when they went to countries that have socialized medicine. I pray the Supreme Court does the right thing...
I have to applaud my countrymen from across the pond. They stood up this week and did the hard thing to bring their state back into order. I have the utmost respect for Gov. Walker who did not back down to the bullies that tried to recall him. When someone or some organization gets too much power, it turns ugly quick. I am not going to say that the unions were not good for anything. And I know there have been situations where corporations were not treating their employees well. But for the most part, I am not a Labor Union fan. I don't need to go into all the reasons why. That could be a whole blog in itself.
If you don't know this already, let me be the first to say... This next election is the most important election since President Lincoln was elected president. Our next President will have to work hard to 'right' our country from the years of corruption. But it's not just the President, it is those in Congress as well. We need to vote people in there that are trustworthy, that will will hard for freedom. We all need to be informed. We need to arm ourselves with information that is true. Mainstream Media is not the place to go to get informed.
You need to know what you believe before you can make a stand. Once you know what you believe, then STAND on it. I know it's not popular. I understand that when I say I do not agree with Gay Marriage, people take offense. I know that it's not popular when you say abortion is murder. When some women might say, "I would never choose to abort my child, but I don't want to take that 'choice' from another women" and I say "murder should never be a choice!" Do Not Murder is one of the 10 Commandments.
I could go on and on. I however need to end this so that I may move on with my day...
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| The Bald Eagle our National Emblem. Taken at Muskegon State Park |
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