Soon, Very Soon...

The end is a whisper away.  It is one breath not taken.  It is very close...

Last night I went with my sister to say goodbye to my Grandma.  It was late, we were not sure she would make it through the night.  I sat next to her bed holding her fragile hand, if I tried to pull it away she would grasp it all the tighter.  It was almost like a life line for her.  She would move in and out of consciousness.  At times she would move her head slightly and look at you.  There were times when you could tell she was trying to smile.  At one point I held up the picture of my Grandpa as a young handsome man dressed in uniform.  I told her to look at him, my sister said, "Grandma, Grandpa is waiting for you in Heaven."  The tears streamed down my face.  She looked at the picture for the longest time.

She would go through periods where she didn't appear to breath, then she would gasp for air.  My heart would give a start every time.  I watched her neck to see if it was still jumping with her pulse.

At one point when she gasped for air, she looked right at me and said "Oh Lyn."  It was barely a mumble, but it was there.  That will be the last time I hear my name on her lips.  My heart breaks.

As the time slowly ticked by, it was time for my final goodbye.  I don't think I will see her again this side of Heaven.  I held her hand, kissed her cheek and told her "Grandma, I love you.  You go see those pearly gates, go see the streets of gold, find the precious jewels in the rivers.  Micah, Tyler, and Jillian are sure there is a mountain in Heaven with a huge mudslide that you can slide down, you go find that mountain with Grandpa and slide down the mudslide.  Micah, Tyler, and Jillian love you and we will see you in Heaven, I love you Grandma... Goodbye.  She looked at me, and said "God loves you too."

Oh my heart... it breaks.  She is the first of seven children, 4 of them are waiting for her in Heaven, Grandpa is waiting for her, her parents are waiting, and Jesus will be coming to take her by the hand and lead her home.

As we left, tears streaming down our faces, it was one of the hardest things I have had to do.  It took everything in me not to turn around go back in her room, curl up next to her on her bed and hold her through the night.

This morning the report came that she had a peaceful night.  I am thankful.  My parents will be with her today, my sister will go like she has for the past several weeks to sit with her.  Hard to believe it was only yesterday morning that Laurie wheeled her outside for a few minutes of sweet sunshine.  It will be the last time she goes outside here on earth.

Soon she will be free, soon she will be holding the hand of her sweetheart Tom, searching for that mountain with the mudslide.