Decision Made

It was a hard decision and an easy decision all at the same time.

The hard part... I often feel guilty that I don't work.  There are a lot of reasons why... Kevin works so hard to provide for us and he often feels like he doesn't provide enough.  Medical Insurance, vacations that we would love to take, home improvement projects, the list goes on.  I know that the job plays right with my strengths and it would be 'fun' to have something that is just for me (if that makes sense).

The easy part... too much time away from my family.

Over 13 years ago, Kevin and I made a conscience decision that I would say home with our kids.  That instead of a daycare and later a school raising them, that I would be the one to input into our children.  Yes, there are tradeoffs, but there is pluses and minuses to every decision... just like the one I made about the job.  Our focus however, was to raise them in an environment that allowed them to grow in their individuality and strengths.  Our other focus has always been on family time.  Whatever that looks like.  We spend 90% of our time together and we like it that way.  We enjoy being together as a family, we have fun together.  So for me to except a job that would take me away from the family  when Kevin was home (evenings/Saturdays) was/is the exact opposite of our focus.

I also am not someone who likes to be busy and away from home.  It took my very special friend to lovingly point that out to me.  She knows how much I LOVE being home.  I don't love all the jobs of being at home (cooking... ugh, why couldn't I have that gift), but I am a calmer, quieter, happier person when I am home.  When I get too busy, I get too distracted.  Just ask Kevin... it takes nothing for me to go off on a rabbit trail, and when I get too busy, it's even worse to keep me on track.  Being busy for short periods of time, is ok, but I am happy to admit that I am no super woman and I cannot be all God wants me to be for my family if I am running with my head cut off, giving pieces of me to lots of different people and areas of my life, but not giving the best of me to the most important part of my life... my family.

You have probably guessed what my decision was... I didn't take the job.  I was/am so honored that they sought me out.  The phone call to turn it down was hard for me because it felt like I was letting them down and it was hard for me because of some of the reasons I mentioned above.  But I know it was the right decision for our family at this time in our lives.

I only have a few short years left with my kids at home.  The time has just flown past us.  My focus needs to stay where my heart is, at home with my family.  I will never get this time back... jobs will come and go, my legacy isn't with a position at a company, it isn't on the things that we were able to provide the kids or the vacations we were able to go on.  Those are just material.  My greatest life's work is on what you can't readily see... what's in their hearts.

I love that my 15 year old son still runs to any family member who walks in the door and hugs them.  You also can't leave the house without a hug.  He tells me multiple times a day he loves me, and he is the first one to notice if I am not feeling well and steps up to make it easier for me (all without me saying a word).  I love that my 13 year old son loves nothing more than to ride in the car with me, pushing as many buttons as he can find, all while he talks nonstop letting me into his crazy, amazing mind.  I love how protective he is over me and how he will just randomly tell me I'm beautiful and that he loves that I am his Mom.  I love how my 11 year old daughter still wants to sit on the couch and cuddle under a blanket with me as we watch our favorite tv show.  I love how the highlight of her week is the 3.5 hours we spend Friday mornings together in (right now) a freezing barn with 36 horses.  I love how we end each and every day... with a prayer and a kiss as (2 out of the 3) lay in bed (the other one is never where he is supposed to be, he is either in his sister's room, or in his room messing with stuff, or downstairs telling us one more piece of info, or searching out his cat, or...).  I could keep going on, but I think you can see where my passion for life is right now.  I should say here that although I have written about my children, my relationship with their Dad is even more important to me.  Outside of God, Kevin is the most important part of my life.  Loving him well, pours down onto loving the kids well.

I can honestly say that although we aren't perfect, we do have fights and disagreements, we do like our time away from each other, and our house isn't always clean and organized - we LOVE being together as a family, we love spending time together and laughing together (usually it's Tyler making us laugh).  We love making memories together.  It doesn't really matter what we do, as long as we are together, we are happy.

I don't have a recent picture of our family... so this will have to do.  My Mother-In-Law was able to quick snap this picture of my extended family at Christmas... it was FREEZING outside.  This is the whole Van Dyk gang (plus Babula, my Sister-In-Law's Mother who is now an honorary Van Dyk).

Blessings!

Decision Day...

Where does time go?

Last night laying in bed Kevin and I were talking about that very subject.  It's hard to believe that Micah will be a legal adult in just 3 short years.  We were reminiscing about how we never thought we would survive his first 6 months, let alone 15yrs!

This conversation was spurred on by a very unexpected offer... a job offer for me.  Yikes!

The call came out of the blue, I was not and am not looking for a job.  The caller explained what the position was and told me the owner of the company and 2 other managers had brought my name up in a meeting saying I would be perfect for the job.  What a compliment and an honor.  To be honest, the job really intrigues me, but it would require me to be away from my family two nights during the week and I would have to work Saturdays.

Kevin and I have talked and talked about the job.  We met with very close friends of ours and laid it all out for them as well and asked for their advice/wisdom.  They listened, asked a few questions and then they both shared their thoughts.  Can I say how wonderful it is to have Godly friends?  Their thoughts opened up new conversations for Kevin and I that we hadn't even thought about discussing.  They asked Kevin questions and his answers were totally different than what I would have thought!  They asked me a question and I said something and Kevin just looked at me and said "you know I have been married to you for 20 years and I have never heard you label yourself like that before and now it makes so much more sense to me."  It is amazing to me that after all these years we are still discovering and learning new things about each other!

Well, today is the big decision day... I have let the company know what I decided...

An Amazing 8 Years...

It all started on January 20, 2009, Inauguration Day.  Our family all piled into our van and took off for the east side of the state.  I don't remember if we told the kids where we were headed or if it was a surprise to them, but after several hours in the car we pulled into a small vet's office to meet someone very special.

We were ushered into a exam room where we waited, then the door opened and this skinny 18 month old Rottie bounded into the room with energy and excitement.  This kids started hugging all over him and we played with him for awhile.  The Vet came in and talked to us about the treatment this puppy had been going through, how they had gotten him and then proceeded to interview us to see if we were the "right" family to take him home.  Originally they told us that we would have to come back for him after meeting him, if we were chosen, but I told them that we were drove several hours and if they decided we were a good fit, we would like to bring him home that day.

The kids were so excited, it had been 14 months since we had lost Nala and we all missed having a dog around.  Surprisingly, it was probably me most of all that missed the sounds of nails clinking on hard floors, tags ringing on the side of the water bowl as water was slurped up, watching the interaction of my children with a big lovable beast, and the feeling of protection.

After many questions for us, and us for them, the vet decided that we could take Romeo home.  I think a huge part of the decision was that he knew our vet and was able to verify that we did take good care of our dogs and that we really did know the breed and how to train them.

We walked Romeo out of the vets office and into a new and exciting life.  We put him in the back of our van for the ride home, but not too long into our drive, he decided that if he was going to be part of our family that he was going to ride up with all of us.  He jumped over the back bench by the window and made his way to each one of us while the kids laughed from all their carseats.  From that day forward he rode with us as a family.  Even to the point of laying across my lap in our truck on our way to camping adventures.  He was an amazing travel buddy.

Those first weeks were a big adjustment for all of us, we had to learn Romeo's personality and he had to learn ours.  We learned that he didn't like men with hats covering their faces.  We learned that he loved to lay under the dinner table as we ate our meals as a family.  We learned that he was fiercely loyal to the kids and that he didn't like voices yelling, even in fun.  We learned that he wasn't scared of tight places, that he could crouch down and crawl under pretty much anything, that he loved to jump, but most of all he loved being part of our family.

He became my running partner and we logged many many miles together.  His protectiveness shined on two occasions where I was on a trail by our house and two men needed to be reminded that you don't mess with lady running with a Rottweiler.

He became our camping dog.  Oh how he loved to camp!  He couldn't wait to jump in the truck when he knew we were going to leave.  He was an amazing camper.  Never did we had to worry about him barking at other dogs... as a matter of fact, you could always hear where he was when we were walking with him in the parks because other dogs always went nuts, but he just kept prancing on by them, almost like he was laughing that he was getting a walk and they weren't.  Children would run up to him and hug on his neck (much to their parents terror), and he would just let them hang there.  If there was a child who wanted to pet him, but was scared, he sensed that and would lay down so they wouldn't feel so intimidated by him.  We would put him in the trailer once the kids went to bed and he would babysit them until we came in from the fire.

He became our children's guardian.  He was always on the lookout for dangers, he had a sixth sense about him that just seemed to know who was good and who wasn't.  I could watch him watch people at the park when the kids were playing and know who to keep an eye on.  He brought me so much comfort!  I was the only stay-at-home mom in our neighborhood and I felt so much better knowing he was with me.  As the kids grew, and I started leaving them home alone, the assurance I had knowing he was there to protect them was priceless.

There was one morning that we were all in bed sleeping and 7 am rolled around.  Every.Single.Day Micah would get up at 7am, come to our room and open the door to let Romeo out.  The two would race down the stairs and Micah would feed him.  On this particular morning, they went running down the stairs, but Romeo knew something was off.  He raced far ahead of Micah and encountered a robber in our dining room.  The robber went running out the slider and Romeo chased him to the door and stood there watching him run away.  Micah never saw the guy, thankfully, but had Romeo not been there, it would have been Micah that would have encountered him.

Romeo became the favorite of many children.  He just had a calm way about him.  Kids that used to be scared of dogs suddenly loved him.  We could take him anywhere and never worry how he would react with people and other dogs... unless they were men wearing a hat... but we knew to watch out for those men and we learned how to handle those encounters too.

Romeo was only on a leash when camping or taking long walks.  Otherwise he had all the freedom he desired.  When we moved to our present house, he quickly learned his boundaries and would often ask to go outside and would wander around the five acres until he tired and then would stand at the backdoor and give off little yelps to let us know he was ready to come in.

Romeo also adjusted well to new animals.  When we got barn kitties, he became their protector, he would watch over them, and when they would fall over in exhaustion, he would lay down with them between his front paws and stay with them until they woke up.  He would stand over my little chicks too, watching them and sniffing at them.  He never tried to hurt them.  I even think in his own way he protected them.  We have a very high count of coyote in our back woods, but we never see tracks indicating they come close to the house or my chickens and I think it's because they smell him and leave our property alone.

He was pretty much the best dog ever.

Tuesday night (Jan 3rd) we came home from a movie to discover Romeo in his kennel with a huge pile of vomit.  He came out of his kennel but immediately laid down and nothing we said or did could coax him to get up.  Kevin and I made a "bed" in our room and carried him in there.  During the night he started having trouble breathing.  At 4am he vomited all liquid and started making coughing noises.  Kevin and I stayed up with him the rest of the night.  We rushed him to the vet, first thing, and after a brief examination the vet said she needed to take X-rays.

The X-rays were shown to us and our world started spinning out of control. Romeo had a mass that was pressing against his heart and a possible second mass on his diaphragm.  They could do nothing for him but pain meds, and that wouldn't help his breathing at all.  We could take him home, but the vet told us we might only have days with him on the meds and it would be a struggle for him.  We left him at the office and went to get the kids to say goodbye.  By far the hardest day we have had as a family yet.  We had to let go of our best friend, release him from his struggle, and say goodbye.

How do you do that?  How do you take 8 years of love and wrap it all up into a few short minutes?  How do you tell him all that he was to you and your children?  How to you thank him for all of the times he protected your family?  How do you thank him for all his love and gentleness?

Our house will never be the same.  It's quiet, it's lonely, it's lacking a life that once inhabited it.  There is a stillness that just feels wrong.  My ears keep hearing him walk around, yet he isn't here.  I keep waiting for his sigh as he lays down next to our bed at night and it never comes.  I can't even think about our first camping trip without him.  But what hurts the most is watching my son's heart breaking.  Watching him sit a stare and then crumble in tears.  Holding him as his body shakes with grief.  Listening to him weep because he feels so lost without his best friend.  Micah told me yesterday that he thought he would have Romeo for forever.  He told me that they grew up together and he never thought he would have to say goodbye.  Watching him bow his head to pray knowing that the only prayer he wants answered is to have Romeo back with us.  Oh how my heart aches for him... how I wish I could take his pain away.

We had Romeo 16 days shy of 8 years exactly.  He was 6 months away from turning 10 years old.  He was a one in a million dog.  He was part of our family.  He will be missed daily and never forgotten.

Romers, Thank You for all the love and care you gave my family.  Thank You for 8 years of an amazing adventure.  You stole our hearts when you jumped over the bench to ride in the van with us and we will never be the same without you.

 Goodbye... for now.