The past few months I have been trying hard to get into shape again. This past winter I gained a few pounds because I wasn't running and I was eating bad too. So I have been on this drive to get healthy by running, eating more of the right foods and less of the bad foods.
Last night I went for a run. Normally when I run I have a conversation with myself. Weird I know, but it usually goes something like this...."Lyn you can run 3 miles, you do it all the time, this is an easy run for you" "I know, but tonight my legs hurt, and I am tired. I will just run to the next block and then I can walk the rest of the way home" I do that until the "next block IS home" and I completed 3 miles. But Last night was different. There was a different voice talking to me....
"Lyn, you are working so hard at getting healthy on the outside, why are you not working as hard on the inside?" This is a conversation the Lord and I have been having on a pretty regular basis these last few weeks. I struggle to find the balance between Wife, Mother, and Daughter of the King. God has been showing me area's that I need to work on. Parts of me that have been there for as long as I can remember. It's kind of like trying to take away a leg. How do you function without it? God is trying to change my way of life, thinking, my reality. This is a lot harder than running a measly 3 miles!
One of those area's God has shown me is fear. I seriously can't remember a time that I haven't been scared of something. As a child, I was a very fearful child. I was scared of our house being on fire, of someone breaking in. Most of all I was scared of wind. Funny how God brings things to mind when he is talking with you. Bear with me, because I think he is working on me even as I write this..... I have always used wind as a way to explain God. You can't see the wind but you know it's there (those are lyrics to a song), so if wind = God, then am I fearful of God? Wow, what a revelation... I will have to ponder that a while.
So back to being fearful. Even in my adult life I am scared of many things, on a daily basis (don't need to go into them all), but I know that is not of God. God is not fear, that is Satan's tool. So if I have so much fear in my life, then Satan has a lot of control over my life. This is what God has been talking to me about. Now, I KNOW that this is not good. But like I said before, I have lived with it for so long, I don't quite know how to get rid of it. I also KNOW all the scripture about worry and fear, but that is head knowledge, how do you get it down to your heart? I honestly don't have the answer yet, but I am sure that God will be speaking to me about it very soon. Because as I am working hard on getting the outside of me healthy, He is working hard on getting the inside of me healthy.
I know that I have written on it before, but about 5 years ago God gave me a vision of a butterfly. He told me that the butterfly represented me. That he was going to make me into a beautiful butterfly. While on the INSIDE of the cocoon, He was going to transform me until I was beautiful on the OUTSIDE. He is still working...hard I must say. This new revelation of fear is a tough one for me to work on. It scares me to even think about it. But God says...
Is 41:10 don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
I am praying that one day soon, I will be able to go to bed without fear, and rise in the morning without fear because the Lord MY God is with me.
He is making me beautiful from the inside out one painful step...block...mile at a time!
Blessings!!
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