Firsts

Yesterday was full of firsts.  I made oatmeal the old-fashioned way, on the stove top, it was really good.  I made dinner with dried beans.... this one didn't turn out so well, the beans were just not soft enough by dinner time, so it will be dinner tonight :)  I allowed my kids to make their own breakfasts on the stove...all.by.themselves.  Scrambled eggs can leave a stovetop a mess, but I didn't throw a fit (that's a BIG first). I also dried my homegrown parsley, now I just need my brother to come home to give me instructions on how to use it for some kind of yummy creation he just whips up.

Then there was last night.  I went to pick up my Mom and sister to go grocery shopping.  I was driving Mom's minivan because my truck is in the shop right now.  When I dropped them off my Mom thanks me for driving.... I had to laugh, because it was HER VAN we were using.  I guess my ultimate driving skills was pretty impressive though....

Then some firsts happened yesterday that were really sad.  First time a Walker Police officer was killed in the line of duty.  Last night was the first night that his wife laid her head on her pillow without her husband and his little girls went to bed without a daddy.

My heart breaks for this family.  As the kids and I watched some of the events unfold yesterday tears silently slid down my cheeks.  I can't imagine losing my husband, I can't imagine having my kids grow up without their Daddy and I can't imagine him being taken in such a hateful way.  We stopped our lessons and prayed for their family, friends, the police and even for the families of the suspects.

The kids asked me if the officer was in Heaven now.  I said if he believed in Jesus Christ and asked him in his heart, then yes.  It was mentioned at one point that he "attended church regularly".  The kids picked up on that and we had a conversation about it.  I told them it gives us hope that he was a believer, but going to church doesn't guarantee us we are going to Heaven.  It tells us in the Bible that not everyone who says Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of Heaven.  (Matthew 7:21-23)  What a hard conversation to have with your kids.  But a necessary one.  I would have loved to say "Yes" he was a believer, he is with Jesus, have all those feel-good feelings, but that isn't truth.  Truth is much harder.  God even tells us that if we are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, he will spit us out of his mouth (Revelation 3:16).  Thats some hardcore stuff.  God is a God of love, mercy and grace, but he is also a jealous God.

I don't understand why the events of yesterday happened.  My firsts were so simple, but another family's firsts were so painful.  But I do now that I serve an amazing God that even in the most painful pain, he is still God and he still has a plan.  I don't understand why certain things are allowed to happen, why a family lost their husband/daddy.  Why a pregnant women who desperately wants her baby loses her.  Why a women who wants to get pregnant can't.  Why a women who fights her cancer everyday keeps getting diagnosed with other diseases.  Why a man loses his job, can't find another one, then loses his house.  Why a women fights every minute of every day against the darkest of thoughts.  But God's plan is perfect, his ways are not our ways.  And even though I don't understand, I trust, because I know that God's plans are to prosper not to harm us to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

I can only describe yesterday as thick.  Thick with emotion.  Todays weather reflects my feelings.  Cold, windy, rainy... makes you want to curl up on the couch with a blanket, my kids and a good book.  I think school just changed course for today.  We are going to read, play and enjoy the blessings we have today.

Make this day count, you never know when it will be your last...

Blessings.