brokenhearted

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those that are crushed in spirit

Ps. 34:18

I know that I posted earlier today, but I just need to talk.... So I turn to my ever loving blog, who lets me pour my heart out and loves me no matter what I say.

Have you ever done something for someone that you thought was nice and get totally slapped in the face? Well that just happened to me. I thought I was being nice, but guess what, apparently that person didn't feel the same way.

It's times like these that I wish I could crawl in a hole and keep to myself. Life would be so much easier, more pleasant, and less crap to deal with. You put your neck out there and then it gets chopped off.

Maybe tomorrow I will be less dramatic, but right now it just feels so very hurtful, and that person doesn't even care.

WORDS HURT PEOPLE... WATCH WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT!!

There are times that I wonder why it seems my heart is so exposed to the knives of others and theirs never seem to get pierced...

I have so much more that I want to write, but I am going to take my own advice and stop before I say something that is hurtful.

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds

Ps. 147:3

Praying that God soothes my hurting heart...

goodnight

Adding

For a while now Kevin and I have been feeling a call that maybe church the way we do it now isn't where God wants us to be. Not Saying corporate church is bad, it is very much needed, but we are feeling God pull us in a different direction.

While still continuing to go to TCC (our corporate church) we have also started to attend a home church. It has been a blessing to connect with people who have already traveled the road we are now on. We meet on Wednesday nights to sing, read the Bible, share, and pray together.

Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, we talked about giving something up or adding something to remind us of God's love. Some of us gave something up, some of us added something, and some of us are still thinking about what they might do for Lent:-)

I was one of them who added. Although I do spend time in the Word, it is not enough. At times I feel very separated from God and it's my own fault. So I decided instead of giving up sweets, pop, junk food, all the things that would be hard for me, it was more important to add time with my Abba. That is what I have been doing. Spending time in His Word.

I am not going to say that I have been perfect in my daily reading. I haven't. But I have been doing much better and God has been speaking. My favorite Bible version is the NIV, probably because I have grown up with it and it is familiar to me, but I do have a New American Standard/Message Parallel Bible that has been a blessing. **Disclaimer** I DO NOT BELIEVE THE MESSAGE IS THE BIBLE, I believe it is another tool to use to grasp what God has to say to us in the Bible. I have come across some "verses" in the Message that have really spoken to me.

Romans 6 around verse 16 (the message doesn't have verses) - "there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom. Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it's your last free act." - Wow, how true. We feel we have "the right" to do what we want, but God is saying that it will lead to death. How many times have we done our free act and wound up broken and bound because of it?

Romans 7 about verse 13 - "Sin simply did what sin is so famous for doing: using the good as a cover to tempt me to do what would finally destroy me." - Satan is so good at tricking us, isn't he? He can candy coat anything and make it look good, when it is nothing but rotting sin. This world is FULL of candy coated rotting sin, and it traps even the "best" Christians. I guess that is why God tells us to always be on the look out, because Satan is just waiting to release his trap.

There is a trap for each one of us Christians, made especially for us, it is where we are weakest, that is where Satan grabs a hold of you. If you really look at your heart to see where you are weak, that is right where Satan will be waiting for you. Psalm 139:23-24 - "Search me O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."

There is so much more I would love to write about in Chapters 7 and 8, but really don't have the time right now to do it. I could spend all day reading and writing what is on my heart, because believe me, there is a lot there, but I don't get paid to do that, and there is too much to do around here to spend the day typing away!

Blessings!!

Phone Call

I got a call at 7:07 am this morning. Calls before 8 am are never good. I jumped out of bed and grabbed the phone expecting the worst. I was shocked at what I heard when I answered the phone.

"Mommy there is throw up all over the blanket." Micah said. "You threw up???" I asked. I went running downstairs to find Micah on the couch with the blanket on him and him telling me that the throw up was all over it. I am still thinking he threw up until he tells me it was Romeo that threw up. He tells me that he fed him the right amount of food..... Romeo can get sick if he eats too much, drinks too much, or eats people food.

How did Micah call me?? He grabbed Kevin's cell phone because he didn't want to come upstairs.

No question on whether or not he knows our phone number :-)

Blessings!!

March 12 from 3-7pm

Fundraising Event For

Angie Hartley-Peters

Who is Currently Fighting Cancer

HOME & CRAFT EXPO FUNDRAISING EVENT

Friday, March 12 from 3-7 @

Freedom Christian School

6340 Autumn, Hudsonville

*Bake Sale

* $1 Raffle

*Silent Auction

~ 1- overnight stay at Amway Grand~1-over night stay at Courtyard by Marriott ~ Marykay Basket~ Paramount Coffee Basket ~

~ Beautiful Sterling Silver Necklace ~ 5 Sterling Silver Earring Sets ~ Fleece Tied Blanket ~ Invincibelle Spirit Hydrangea ~

~ Photo Prints by Angie ~ Miche Bag~ Rebeka Rosa Purse~ Baby Gift Basket~Sentry Safe~7 pairs of shoes~ Premier Jewelry Set~ Signed Sports Memorabilia~

over 30 items and more keep coming!!!

*And over 25 vendors to shop from

Please Come Out To Support Angie in Her Journey to Fight Cancer

Save the Date… Friday, March 12 from 3-7

Kevin's brother Chris and his wife Angie have been hit hard with a devastating disease. Breast Cancer. Angie was diagnosed a few months ago and has walked an incredible road so far, but they have a long way to go. She has been through surgery and has two more chemo sessions to go. Once chemo is done and she starts to get her strength back, she has to have more surgery.

This has been a very hard journey for their family. Angie had her first surgery in December and since then has not been able to care for their family. They have been relying on friends and family to care for their two small children, bring in meals, and care for their home. With all the help Chris has been able to maintain working full time, which is a blessing, but the medical bills keep mounting.

Our cousin has put together this fundraiser for Chris and Angie and we are spreading the word. God's hand has been in this event from the beginning. People, who don't even know Angie, have been donating items for the silent auction. There has been an incredible out pouring of love already and we are excited to see what God has in store.

My contribution for this event is going to be my braided bread. I am not yet sure how many loaves I will have, so if you would like to purchase one, be at the fundraiser early, I am thinking they will go fast :-)

Even if you are unable to attend the event, our family covets your prayers for Chris, Angie, Abbie, and Cade. We believe in miracles and we are believing that Angie will be cancer free!!

Blessings!!

Climbing Ladders

**Warning** This post contains pictures that I am embarrassed to say I took. But since I really don't care that you see my less than attractive pictures I am blasting them out here for all see.

I have lots and lots of pictures of our remodeling that has been taking place over the last year, but have yet to share many of them. We still have a ways to go, but we are on the home stretch!

One of the challenges we have encountered during this period of remodeling has been....the kids. Thinking back (13 yrs ago) to the last time we remodeled a house, we had it so much easier... no little people getting in the way, all we had to do was put the dogs out in the backyard and we could work all day with no interruptions. This time around we have little people that LOVE to help and for the most part, they haven't been able to.

Kevin did allow Micah to help with some of the crown on the new cabinets. Micah thought that was really cool.

This is what it looked like when the crown was all done (don't mind the mess on the counter, we were very much under construction at this point). And then we had a night when Kevin was working on putting the crown up in our entryway. Kev let the kids each climb up the ladder, which was very nerve racking for me since they were about 20 ft up. Tyler and Jilli were a little more scared, but Micah climbed right up and touched the crown. It was a fun night for the kids, because even though they didn't help build anything they still felt apart of the project because Daddy let them explore, for a little while, the world of ladders.

Nothing really spectacular, but it is a great family memory. I know that someday we will be having Thanksgiving dinner with our kids, their spouses, and grandchildren when we will hear... "Do you remember when Dad let us climb up the ladder...."

Blessings!!

Pain in the Neck

It's that time of year again, where I put on my running shoes and head out to freeze the nose hairs as I run around the neighborhood. I hate the thought of running until I am outside with Romeo and then I love it. It's a great feeling of accomplishment.

Like last year, I will be running the 5/3rd Riverbank Run 10k (6.2 miles). When I read 6.2 miles I think nothing of it..... It's really not that far, until I am actually out running 6.2 miles. You just don't realize the distance that it is, until your feet are hitting that pavement for an hour. then I get tired just thinking about it. I am, however, really excited about the race and started training for it last week.

Sunday was a beautiful day for a run. Not too cold, not too sunny, it was perfect. I was 1.5 miles into my run when I looked down to watch the footing of my feet (I was running the trail by my house and hit a small patch of snow and ice). When I looked down I felt a pain in the back of my neck. Not sure what it was I kept going and the pain got worse and worse. By mile 2 I was convinced that I did something to my neck, but didn't want to stop running because I needed to log my miles in for the week. Kind of dumb I know, but I finished out my run, came home, took my shower and felt the full effect of whatever I did to my neck.

I took meds to help relax my muscles, meds to mask the pain, meds that made me sleepy, but nothing helped. I couldn't move my neck at all. I couldn't even lay down in bed. Kevin propped me up with 5 pillows to try and make me comfortable. By Monday morning, I knew that whatever I did to my neck wasn't going to get better on it's own, so I called the chiropractor. Thankfully I could go straight there to be adjusted (note** driving is difficult when you can't move your neck). After the adjustment he told me to go home, keep icing my neck and relax. I kindly reminded him that I have 3 very active children that I homeschool and relaxing isn't a school subject I teach.... but that I would try my best.

Tuesday morning I could move my neck better, but it was still very painful. Went back in for another adjustment and was told that the pain I was feeling should lessen over the next few days and I should be able to run again by next week. Thank goodness, because I am going to have to catch up on my training schedule after taking a week off, not looking forward to that!

Today, I am moving around much better, my neck still has pain but I can move it without screaming ouch. A few more days of rest (whatever that is) and I should be ready to hit the pavement again, if I can find it with all of this white stuff that keeps falling!!! Spring Where Are You!!

Blessings!!

Pigtails and Lip Gloss

Since we have been talking about being creative and making messes, I thought this next post would fit in nicely.

My sweet, sweet Jilli Joy plays as hard as any boy and doesn't mind getting a little dirty, but she is still ALL girl. She loves to watch me put makeup on. She loves for me to dry her hair with the blow dryer and use the round brush to make it extra pretty. She loves her nails and toes painted. She loves to make her self beautiful for her Daddy.

Last Friday she had wanted her hair in piggy tails (that is not usual, she doesn't like her hair up in anything), for some reason, on this day, she wanted her hair up. I of course love to play with her hair, so took a little extra time to make sure that it was beautiful. She kept her piggies in all day (also not usual) and kept asking me when Daddy was going to be home to show him how pretty she was. Out of all the days in the last 3 1/2 months Daddy has been home, he was gone working this day and it was so hard for his little girl to wait for her Daddy. About 5:30pm I told her that he should be home any minute and I went upstairs. I came back down about 15 minutes later to find Jilli on the counter, making herself even more beautiful for her Daddy.

I keep some lip gloss in a little basket next to the kitchen sink. She knows that Mommy usually puts some on just before Daddy gets home, so she thought she should put some on too.Except Mommy only uses a little bit of lip gloss. Not HALF THE TUBE!! Remembering my lesson from the other day, instead of getting (too) mad, I grabbed my camera and took some pictures.Doesn't she look guilty? We were able to wipe off the extras and Daddy walked in the door to his beautiful little girl, who had taken the time to make sure her hair and makeup was done perfectly.

Just to clarify, Jilli knows she is not to touch ANY OF MOMMY'S MAKEUP without my permission first. Thankfully it was only lip gloss and not red lipstick!!

Blessings!!

Let Them Create

OK, so have I said that there are times when I would love to pull my hair out? There are times that I feel so overwhelmed that it takes all of me just to keep going. I know this is normal for homeschooling Moms, but man, when you are "in a moment" it is really hard to remember that you are not the only one who never gets a break from being Mom, Teacher, Caretaker, Wife.

I was having "one of those moments" the other day. We had finished school, and I flying around the house trying to make sure everything was clean and neat before Kevin got home. I had just ran upstairs to check to make sure everything was in it's place when the phone rang. I answered it and started a rather nice phone conversation with another homeschooling Mom. I finished folding the last of the laundry and tidied up the rooms and headed downstairs to find my children working on their own creation.

I immediately started barking orders like..."No, No don't do that, put that milk down, what are you guys doing??!!" My friend, who I was still on the phone with, nicely asked me what was going on. I started freaking out, because Kevin could be walking in the door at any minute and the kitchen table was a mess. I started rattling off what all I was seeing and she calmly told me to calm down and let them create their masterpiece and not to worry about the mess. She laughed at me and told me to grab my camera and start taking pictures.

You have no idea how hard that was for me. Sadly I have regressed from allowing my kids to be free and creative, to restricting them on what they can do because of the mess that always follows creativity.

As you can see from the above pictures, they were creating with food. They mixed milk, crackers, cheese, and marshmallows into a bowl and then wanted to cook it. Since I was now under control, I entertained their creativity and turned the oven on...

The kids were so excited to try it after we baked it at 350 for 30min (because every good recipe is baked at 350 for 30min). This is the end result...Jilli was the only one brave enough to taste it and she would only taste the puffy marshmallows. Thankfully, I had almost everything cleaned up before Daddy walked in the door, although he did get to see the creation before I threw it away.

Even though the masterpiece is long gone, the lesson is still with me. Allow my kids to be kids.

Thinking back to my childhood days, I remember my brother creating all kinds of weird sandwiches to eat (pickles and peanut butter), but he and his friend LOVED making up new things to try and my Mom allowed it. Now my little bro LOVES to create all kinds of wonderful dishes in the kitchen for him and his wife. Maybe I have a little chef in the making and I'm yelling at him not to make a mess with the milk. Ask Kevin how I bake.....it definitely isn't without making a mess (that is why I usually bake when he is gone, I don't have to hear how messy I am and he gets to come home to freshly baked bread with the mess cleaned up). Why should I expect more from my kids?

My struggles with balancing school, kids, playtime, cleaning, me time... is nothing different then what other Moms face everyday. Although I have to say that homeschooling adds an element that Mom's of schooled children can't understand. We all have our balancing acts that we have to do everyday. But here it is... A clean house is not better then a messy house full of happy creative kids. I know there is a balance. We expect our children to pick up after themselves, we expect our children to respect our house and the things that are in it, especially now that we are getting to the end stages of our remodel. The other day was just bringing my focus back to one of the reasons why I choose to homeschool in the first place. To allow my kids to be themselves, not carbon copies of the Jones next door.

I don't want them to have to sit in a desk all day. I don't want them to have to be confined to what every other kid has to learn that day. I want the to have freedom to discover and learn what they want to learn. To experience life in a way that school kids can't. We are not dictated by school schedules, or State laws, so why don't I take full advantage of that and allow them to create in all kinds of wonderful ways, not just "non-messy creative projects?"

As I navigate my way through these next few weeks, months, or years, I pray that I don't forget the lesson that I learned and the words that my friend spoke to me... "Let them do it Lyn, let them use whatever they want, to make whatever they want to make."

Blessings!!

My Valentines Day

Valentines Day is a special day to me. Not for all the reason's that most women like it. I don't get showered with roses, chocolates, or cards (which really is OK by me, I would rather have flowers in the spring to plant then ones in the winter thaat die). The last time I was even taken out to dinner on Valentines Day was 8 years ago today, but there is a reason for that.

Eight years ago today was my due date for Micah. I remember the day so well. It was my first baby and of course even though everyone tells you not to expect to have your baby on your due date...I did. I had worked that day and all the old patients (I worked for 6 doctors) were commenting that they thought for sure I would have had my baby. That I should be home preparing for the baby and not at work. One special patient even brought in a little yellow crocheted hat in for my little bundle of joy.

After work I arrived home and talked Kevin into going out for dinner. After all I was 9 months pregnant, I had worked all day, it was Valentines Day, and it was probably the last time we would enjoy dinner out just the two of us for a very long time. We jumped in the truck and ended up at a little restaurant called Village Sea Food, in Breton Village Mall. It was the only place that had available seating. It was such a wonderful dinner, we had such a nice time together. After dinner we came back home and went to bed, fully expecting to be back at work the next day.

Click on Micah's story to read the full story of Micah. As with all my children, his story is special in it's own way and I love to revisit it every year.

Micah was told today that he was really big for his age and his reply was "Yes, I was born big." Makes me smile every time I hear him make that boast. He was my big baby, but that was just what Daddy needed, because he was a little scared to hold a little baby :-) It's just hard to believe, that baby is going to be 8yrs old tomorrow. I blinked and my baby is a boy. I don't want to blink again, I am scared that I am going to open my eyes to see a young man. I'm not ready for that yet....

So today instead of going out to dinner with my hubby, we had a birthday party for our son. Instead of getting a card or flowers, we gave presents and a card. Instead of having a nice quiet evening, we had a house full of people and kids. But you know what?? I wouldn't trade any of that for flowers, dinner, a quiet evening!

I LOVE YOU MICAH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Blessings!!

Yahweh Rophe

This past week has been emotional for me. There was a situation that had been going on with a friend of ours that was finally (we thought) resolved last week Thursday in a 4 hour long meeting. It's not really the meeting or the fact that the issues are apparently not resolved that has me upset though. It is what I saw/see in people. Lack of forgiveness, unwarranted accusations, and detriment of character.

How easy it is to look at others and point fingers at them as to what they are doing wrong. How easy it is not to look deep into your own heart and take time to reflect on what lives there. I have been doing the painful part of reflecting...

Psalm 139:23-24 ~ Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

God knows how much I desire to be a beautiful person, not just on the outside, but on the inside. Anyone who knows me a little knows that I like to look good, that I take the time to do my hair and makeup everyday. That I don't run around the house in sweats even if I am not going anywhere that day. How much time do I take everyday to make sure the inside of me is beautiful? That it radiates God's love to anyone who I am in contact with. Sadly.... it seems as if my hair is more important. That was a really hard thing to see about myself.. it's even harder to write. To know that there will be people reading this very ugly truth about me is scary.

The ugliness that I have been seeing in people regarding my friend's situation is the same ugliness that I see in me. Lack of forgiving, unwarranted accusations, detriment of character... Guilty as charged. Knowing that all those things stem from hurt, doesn't excuse me from those sins. God calls me to love, forgive, not speak against another person. Regardless of the pain that lives in my heart, that is what God calls me to do. It is not my job to make sure everyone walks the straight and narrow. It is my job to make sure I walk the straight and narrow.

Matthew 7:13-14 ~ Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few will find it.

Getting to the point of understanding what God wants me to do, and then letting go of the hurt that is the root of my ugliness has been a slow process. How do I let go of the pain and trust God? How do I trust the ones who have hurt me?

Awhile ago my Pastor suggested that I study the names of God. To get to know Him in a deeper/richer way. I had bought a book a few years back "Praying the Names of God" by Ann Spangler, but had never read it. So I had started to study the names of God. Guess what I came a crossed....

Yahweh Rophe ~ The Lord Who Heals

The Hebrew word rophe means "heal, cure, restore, or make whole." The book goes on to say that as you pray, to ask Yahweh Rophe to search your heart and if he uncovers any sin, ask for forgiveness and then pray for healing. Do you ever get goose bumps when you read something that touches you so closely you feel like it was written just for you?

Yahweh Rophe is searching my heart, He is bringing to surface all my sins, I am praying for a whole heart again. One that is not anxious and scared, but beautiful. I want to be the kind of person people love to be around because God's goodness just oozes out of them. It might take me awhile, but I am determined that with God's help I will get to a place of beauty.

I am going to leave you with Monday's prayer from my book:

Yahweh Rophe, I bow before you today to acknowledge that you are not only my Creator but the Lord who heals me. Please heal me today, body and soul, and do the same for my loved ones. I pray that you will heal whatever is bitter in our lives, transforming us in the ways that glorify you.

Amen.