Even If

Well, it's been a week since I have posted.  I wanted to give you a quick update on where I am in the stages of testing.

Yesterday I had an ultrasound of my thyroid.  I had prayed for a talkative tech, that would give me more than just generic "sorry, you will have to wait for the report."  God answered and I had a wonderful women who was very informative during the test.

The right side of my thyroid looks great, she said it is exactly how a normal/healthy thyroid looks, there was no bumps on it or cysts.  There is a "bridge" of tissue over to the left side of the thyroid and that is where we left normal behind.  The left side showed a huge fluid filled sac that had small particles floating around in it.  She kept saying "wow, cool" and then correct herself and apologize and tell me that it was just so fascinating.  She has been doing this for many years and she had never seen anything like it.  I found no fault in her expressions over what she was seeing.  Had it been anyone one but me, I would have been saying the same things.  I found it quite interesting, yet in a way, scary as the only fluid filled sac I have ever seen via ultrasound was holding a beautiful baby, not particles of something unknown.  She warned me that she was very sure I would be undergoing a biopsy to find out what exactly the fluid was and what the particles are.

I came home and did what I shouldn't have done and googled some different things.  Didn't like what I was reading so moved on to an article about Denny Hamlin's broken spine.  That made me feel much better.

Now I wait to for my Doctor to get the report and move forward with the next course of action, which he warned me (and the tech reiterated) would probably be a needle in my neck.  Lovely... looking so forward to that... childbirth is a PIECE OF CAKE, compared to this.  Let me birth a 10# baby again any day before I have to lay on a table with a needle coming at my neck...  Lord help me...

My spirits are for the most part up.  I get a little melancholy when I start dwelling to much on the unknown.  The Lord and I have been having a lot of conversations and I can honestly say that I feel Him throughout my day.  When I breath and feel the lump, when I swallow and feel the lump, when I lay down and have to change positions to breath better, I know He is with me.

As always music has been speaking to me, I love the new Kutless CD, Believer.  It was a gift to Kevin for his birthday from my brother Paul and his wife, Nadia.  They thought they were buying it for Kevin, but God had another purpose, it was for me.  I can't get enough of Even If (click to listen).  You know in the Bible where it says that when you don't have the words to pray the Spirit will intercede for us with wordless groans (Romans 8:26).  I have moments of that in prayer and then this song starts back up in my head, and I can't help but start singing it.  I believe it is the Spirit, He prompts me to remember the words.... "You are God, You are Good, Forever Faithful One..."  I know that His ways are not my ways and yet I can rest in Who He Is... The Great and Mighty One,  The One who is working out all things for my good... He is Faithful and I trust Him.

So when I am laying on the table with a needle pointing towards my neck, don't mind the earbuds blaring this song in my ears.  It is my comfort, it is my refuge, it is my Savior singing to me.  It keeps me focused on what life is truly all about, my Forever Faithful One.