Courage

I chose to do it alone.  I didn't know exactly what to expect, I had several people offer to take me to my biospy, but I knew that if I was in pain, I couldn't look into the eyes of anyone, especially my husband's, and see my pain reflected there (I would lose it), and I knew that sometimes, being alone, you are braver than being with those that love you most.

Off I went, slowly making my way down to the Lemmen-Holton Cancer Pavilion.  Then I gradually made my way up to the Radiology floor, where they would conduct my test.

I was nervous, I HATE needles.  I guess to be more exact, I HATE needles pointed at me.  I could give you shots and draw your blood anytime, but those needles are pointed at you...  Anyway, I was told that the worst part of the whole procedure was the numbing and then from that point on, it was a piece of cake.  They were little off on that description...

After I registered I sat down to wait to be called back.  There were several people waiting and after a few minutes the nurse walked right up to me and said "Lynette, you want to follow me back?"  She was very sweet, but I am still left wondering how she knew exactly who I was.  The only thing I could figure out was that I was holding a purple folder and the receptionist informs the nurses what color folder you have.  Hopefully I won't be having to make any more trips down there to figure out their system.

I was brought to a "holding cell" for a vitals check, last minute questions, and change into a gown (I so was not expecting that).  Then the nurse left, Oh, she did bring me one of those warm blankets, love those things, I ask for them every chance I get when I happen to be at a hospital (which thankfully isn't often).  Then I waited....and waited...and waited...and waited... the nurse came back to let me know that another procedure ran a little long and it would be just a few more minutes.  I am usually a very patient, patient.  Working in the medical field for several years, I understand how easy it is to get behind schedule.  But today, I wasn't in the mood for waiting.  I wanted this done and over with.  With every tick of the minute hand, my heart rate ticked faster and faster.

When I thought my heart would burst out of my chest, two very sweet young nurses (I think I have 10 years on them easy...I am getting old) came and got me.  I knew I was in good hands when one of the nurses was holding a warmed blanket for me without me even asking for another one.

They brought me to this huge room with all kinds of state-of-the-art equipment. They had me lay on this table and they wrapped me in that warm blanket.  It was FREEZING in there!  The girls hooked me up to machines to check my ever increasing vitals.  They finished getting ready for the procedure, then turned the lights off and turned on the ultrasound machine.  They told me to hold tight, the doctor would be there in a few minutes.

Just typing this again, makes my heart race...

On Sunday we had a really good sermon on courage...appropriate, I thought.  So while I was laying on that table in a dark room that was FREEZING, I was praying over and over for courage.  That God would be there to walk me through this scary time.  I prayed that God would keep me calm and my heart rate steady.

The doctor came in with the nurses right behind him.  He quickly explained what he would be doing and he started setting up.  This was a sterile procedure, so I was mopped with alcohol, draped with sterile towels and told not to move.  He was very kind, because I asked a lot of questions as he was working and he patiently answered all of them.

The time came for the local to be administered.  I took a huge breath and slowly released it.  One of the nurses came to my right side, found my hand and asked if I wanted to hold hers.  I grabbed it, and held on tight.  Poor girl, I squeezed her hand so hard...  The other nurse grabbed my other hand and that is the way I stayed for pretty much the whole procedure.  The nurses were literally working one-handed for the doctor.

The biopsy was  guided by ultrasound, the screen was located just to the right of my head, so I had a perfect viewing of what was happening inside of me.

So the numbing was done and I thought that I was home free.  I was told they were going to take three samples of the nodule and then aspirate the cyst.

*********WARNING STOP READING HERE IF YOU GET SQUEAMISH********

 As he was inserting the first needle, he told me not to swallow (I promptly swallowed), then he placed the needle where he wanted it and start shaking it...this was to shake free cells that would go into the shaft of the needle.  However, the "you won't feel anything once you are numb" was a little off.  I felt a lot.  I think the needle kept hitting a nerve, because my whole body would jump and pain would shoot through me as he shook it back and forth.  The nurses were holding my hands and asking me if I was "OK".

As the "needle shaking" was taking place one of the nurses "said wow, what is that." The ultrasound looked like a snow globe.  Just like my first ultrasound, you saw all these particles falling.  The doctor explained to her what it was and the conversation about how interesting that was ensued.  I closed my eyes and prayed for courage...

As soon as the needle left my body, the nurses commented on how my body completely relaxed.  They said I shouldn't know when the needle was in or out, but I did.  Then we repeated the above process two more times.  I asked the doctor how big the nodule was and he said about .5cm.  He told me he wished it was a little bigger, so that is was easier for him to get samples.

Then it was time to aspirate.  The doctor asked for a 3cc syringe, he inserted it into the cyst and boy oh boy, I almost came off the table.  He slowly sucked out the fluid, removed the needle and I said "we're done now right?"  The nurses squeezed my hands and the doctor said "No, there is a lot more fluid in there than I thought.  I need to aspirate again.  I closed my eyes and prayed for courage.  The doctor then asked for a 10cc syringe.

He inserted that needle for the last time.  I had my eyes shut tight and as hard as I tried to prevent them, tears silently fell.  The nurses we so sweet, talking me through the last of the procedure, willing me to hold on just a minute longer.  The doctor finally finished, told me that he expected the cyst to fill back up again, but that for now all the fluid he could remove was gone.

I asked to see what all they removed from me.  They showed me the fluid the cell samples were in, but of course the cells are too small for me to see.  Then they showed me how much fluid came out of the cyst.  I was amazed, and very thankful it was all over.

******************************SAFE TO READ AGAIN****************************

Knowing what I know now about the procedure, if I could go back, I still would go it alone.  I don't like people seeing me in pain.  The nurses were awesome, they held my hands and rubbed my arms.  And God.... He was whispering "take courage" and never left my side.

I came home, was taken out to lunch by Kevin's parents, then crashed.  I laid on the couch, in the middle of the afternoon, and promptly fell asleep only to be woken up by my doorbell about an hour later.  It was my mailman handing me a package, telling me that he wanted to drop it off right away.  Inside the package...............

My BFF cousin from across the pond sent me the most amazing after-procedure-treat, KRINGLE!!  Oh yeah, and it's just about all gone already.  Kringle is like water in the desert, food for a starving man, blood for a mosquito... ya'll have no idea.    

I am thankful yesterday is yesterday, done and gone.  Now we wait to get the results back.  My neck is quite sore, I still have a lump, but I was told to expect that.  We still are believing that the results will come back "thyroid tissue" and I won't have to have surgery.

For those that have been praying.... THANK YOU!