Be Still

I love mornings like this.  Laid back, relaxed, dark, quiet.  I even "slept in" a little this morning.  I felt bad, as my husband quietly walked into our dark room and kissed me good bye, that I was still in bed and he was leaving for work.

My husband has given me the most precious gift any husband could give his wife.  The opportunity to stay home with the kids and the blessing of allowing me to be their teacher.

I am not sure if I have ever shared on my blog that when I was a teenager, all I wanted was to go to college (out of state) get my nursing degree and work in a hospital, in a big city, and be an independent single women living life the way I wanted to.  During this phase of my life there must have been something in the paper and there was a cartoon drawing of a blond hair, blue eyed, nurse standing with a chart in her hands.  My Grandpa saw it and cut it out.  He glued it to a piece of poster board.  My Grandma wrote on the bottom, "Grandpa says this is Lyn Joy in 2001."  They gave it to me and I had it for the longest time tucked in a place where every night I could look upon that drawing and tell myself that, that was going to be me.

Then a handsome blond haired, blue eyed, young man walked into my life.  My dream of moving out of Michigan started to lose momentum.  My dream of being single flew out the window.  My dream of living in a big city, working as a nurse in a hospital was all but given up.  I remember one night I looked at that cartoon drawing and said good-bye to the dream I had held onto for so long (I think I still have that picture tucked in a box somewhere).  But as I was saying goodbye to my dreams, I was saying hello to God's plan.

I have no regrets not moving away, going to college, living in a big city, and being single.  My dreams were just that, mine.  God's plan was so much greater.

I may not be a nurse in a hospital, but this morning I had to nurse my son's sprained ankle.  I may not be instructing patients on how to get better, but I am teaching my children about life and God.

This morning Micah and I were working on school together.  He is learning about the Pilgrims.   The first winter the Pilgrims encountered was very rough and hard.  For most of the winter only 7 adults were well enough to care for all the other adults.  There was hardly any food, sickness was killing half the adults, it was very cold, and yet, the Pilgrims did not complain.  Why?  They knew God would help them.  They spent much time in the Word and in prayer, they knew this is what God's plan for their life was.  The situation was dire, many were dying, yet, they continued on.  Micah and I had a great conversation about tough situations, about how important it is to pray and read the Bible and about how important it is to follow God's plan.

Had I not followed God's plan 18 years ago, I hate to think of where I would be today.  Yes, hate to think.  This path that I have been on for the last 18 years has not been without potholes, road closed signs, and detours.  But, God has used every one to draw me closer to Him.  He has used every one to draw me closer to my husband.  He has used every one to teach me how to be on my knees in prayer.  I have gained wisdom, I have gained understanding.  My life is richer for these experiences, regardless how hard they were to live through at the time.

As I look about my house and see the crafts that are laying on the counter, Micah's school books scattered on the table next to the orange peals he didn't take care of.  My mixer gladly mixing up an insane about of banana bread.  Blankets spread all along the couch, evidence of sleepy little ones who cuddled there as their Momma was sleeping.  Softly glowing colored lights peaking at me from our Christmas tree, I am happy and content.

I am a blessed woman.  I have an amazing husband who is doing his best to follow after Jesus.  I have a husband who has not once complained about getting up and going to work, he does the opposite.  He lays in bed and whispers his thanks to God for the work he has 6 days a week.  I have three beautiful, wonderful children who I get to teach.  Who at times drive me crazy, and then at other times make me want to cry with their sweetness.  I have a lovely home that even though it seems to be constantly under construction, it is our sanctuary.  Our refuge from life's storms.  I have Godly friends that speak truth and love to me, that willingly pour themselves into my children and my family.  I am a very blessed women.

Why the reflection?  2 weeks ago a friend of mine, who is a pastor, and I were having a discussion.  One of the things he said to me was, "Lyn get alone with God.  Pray, seek Him, and be still.  Don't fill your prayers with what you want and need, wait and hear God speak to you.  In the silence you will hear his voice."  That is truth that I know, but obviously needed to hear again.  Last night I had that silence as I was doing our grocery shopping at a late hour.  The store was pretty empty (besides the pop can return room...have mercy) and I was able to have some quiet time with God.  Who says it needs to happen in a prayer closet, Meijers works just as good for me!  Anyway, God has a way of taking my tilting world and making it straight again.  He has a way of speaking to me that moves me in a powerful way.  He has a way of opening my eyes, to loving when I don't feel like loving, for praying when I don't feel like praying, to serving when I don't feel like serving.

Thank you Lord, that you speak to me, that you love me, that your plan is greater than mine.  Thank you for my husband, our children, and our home.  Thank you that for this season in life that I am home with my children.  Thank you that I live in a country that I can write about my love for you openly.  Thank you that I live in the most friendly homeschool state in this nation so that I can teach my children.  Thank you that 16 years ago, I didn't leave this great state of Michigan to follow my dreams.  Thank you for loving me when I am ugly, mean, angry, frustrated.  Thank you for making me whole, new, and renewing a right spirit within me.  Thank you for dying on the cross so that one day, I will spend the rest of my life with you.
Amen