Abraham and Isaac

As you all know, I have been struggling with many different things as of late. God is working in me and refining me...which is never easy, but is essential to be the daughter of the King that my heart desires to be. My purpose in life is follow my Father's heart...not mine. How hard that is for me, to give it all over to Him to handle. The story of Abraham and Isaac has been especially special to me this past week. The son that God promised him, the son that Abraham loved and cherished. God told Abraham to sacrifice him. To kill him. I can't imagine how that must have felt to Abraham. Walking to the place where God instructed him to go, knowing all the while that at the end of the road he would have to kill his son. Did Abraham walk slowly, did he dally around trying to spend as much time with his son as he could? I can imagine that he was crying out to God to remove "this cup" from him. His heart tearing in two with each step that he took, but yet he walked, moving closer and closer to the altar. He had Isaac on the altar, with the knife ready to plunge into his son's heart. That is how much he trusted God.

Over the past few months I have been seeking Godly counsel with regards to fear. I have had fear inside of my heart for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I was scared that our house would burn down, that someone would break in, wind freaked me right out, or that Mom and Dad wouldn't return from their Thursday night dates. As I grew my fears seemed to grow with me. My fears now are numerous and they revolve mostly around my family....my husband, my children, our safely. God tells me that I am to be anxious about NOTHING. That I am to FEAR the Lord and nothing else. I am to TRUST God with my most precious gift.....my "Isaac" is my family. I have to so completely trust in God that I am willing to walk my family to the altar and hand them over to the one who created them.

This is not an easy walk for me to take, but this week God has taken my hand and has started walking with me. Walking me to the altar to lay my "Isaac" down. I have started to realize that no matter what happens in this life, I am going to be OK, as long as I am holding my Father's hand. Satan can throw what he has my way, and God is going to hold me firm. I am starting to learn to let go of the control that I feel I need in regards to my family and let God hold them. He knows better how to care for them than I do.

Change......is never easy for me. I fight it, but God is slowly teaching me to embrace it. I may cry my way through this transformation (which is COMPLETELY normal for me...I always love a good cry), but when I get to the end, the altar, I will be OK, because even though I am walking through the valley of the shadow of death I will FEAR NO EVIL, for thou art with me.

The other day, my in-laws came over to take the kids out for lunch. They knew I was having a horrible day, and decided to give me some alone time. When they walked in the door, my father-in-law saw me, came right over and wrapped me in a huge hug. He held me as I cried. There is just something about a fathers embrace that feels so good. He didn't know all that I was struggling with, he didn't care. He just saw that the daughter he was blessed with, through his son, was in need of comfort and he provided it. That moment is very special to me. It reminded me that if my Father-in-law loves me enough to hold me when I cry, how much more my Father in Heaven loves me and wants to hold me.

Thank you Father, for loving me through this process. You alone know my heart, you alone know my needs, it's you alone that will carry me when I feel like I can't go on, and it's you alone that I will praise for the blessings in my life.