God's Choice

This weekend was good for me on many different levels. One, being that I just love spending time with my cousins. Two, Carey and I always seem to sneak in a little time for what we call our "therapy" session. Three, God spoke to me very clearly.

Growing up and even now as an adult, I have always felt second best. I was never any ones first choice. Never picked first for games when I was in school. I was never the friend that everyone wanted to play with, I was kind of the leftovers. Even in high school, I was not the first girl that the guys wanted to ask out on a date. I have kind of always felt (and still struggle with) the fact that I was never someones first choice, I was... "well, if I can't have _______, I guess Lyn will do". Now, I am not saying all this for you to feel sorry for me. On the contrary, I want you to understand the revelation I had while we were driving home last night.

Yesterday Carey and I went for a short walk. On our walk Carey and I shared stories, choices we had made and how we look back over those choices and wonder "what if". She also shared with me a piece of information that I had never known before and those feelings of "second best, never the first choice, always the leftover's" came flooding back to me. Tucking those feelings inside to digest later, we finished our walk, ate some more food, packed up and we started our journey back home.

It was late, the sun had already dipped below the horizon hours ago. The movie was running in the back for the kids, although as Tyler put it... "we're losing people", because Micah and Jilli were both sleeping already. My heart was quiet before the Lord. Looking at the clear sky as we were flying down the road, I heard that very familiar voice speak to me again.

"Lyn, why do you feel second best?" That is easy to answer God, How many times was I looked over until there was no other options... How many times have I been placed on the shelf until I was the only one left? And you know what God? I am kind of mad about that....I am mad that I allowed myself to still "be there" when the first choice was no longer an option. To allow people to walk over me like that. "Lyn, it might appear to you and others that you were the second choice. But does it really matter, what choice you were to people? Does, first, second, or third choice make a difference? You were MY choice. I choose you before you were even born. I KNEW all of your days when you were made in the secret place. You were my chosen person, holy and dearly loved by Me. When it felt like you were second best, I was just preparing you to BE THE BEST, Lyn, I have a very specific plan for you, It might take a few tries for others to realize the gift you are, it might take a few tries for you to realize how special you are, but you need to realize and trust that I have the best plan for you." ...So by this time I am leaning forward in my seat, needing a bathroom desperately, trying not to cry, so that I don't have to try and explain why there are tears falling from my eyes. I start to think about what was just spoken to me...

God's Choice. I have never thought of myself as that. First choice, really isn't the best choice, because we look at it with sinful human eyes. We have no idea what our life story is going to be, only God does, so do we really want to be the first choice to someone else or do we want to be God's choice? This is a hard concept for me to accept. Because thinking through a worldly filter, you do want to be someones first choice. Who doesn't want to be looked upon like they are "the best" this world has to offer. But that at it's core is a very selfish thought pattern. To think of oneself so highly is a dangerous place to be. Because if you look at yourself with such high regards you start to remove God from where he should be, the Lord of you life. You rely on your feelings and desires. You stop looking at your life through God's filter and start to look at it through a very selfish worldly filter. You make decisions on what feels right, not on what IS right. You may start to feel like you are "owed" something, that you have "rights", which God never promised us. Over and over in the Bible God tells us that we must die to self, give up our rights and then we shall truly be free.

Reflecting on all of this God brought me to a passage in the Bible that really speaks to me. How these past few weeks of soul searching and asking God "why" have given me greater understanding to the plan of my Father. Romans 8 is a wonderful chapter, but I am going to highlight just one section. Click HERE to read the whole chapter

1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,^a 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,^b God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.^c And so he condemned sin in sinful man,^d 4in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6The mind of sinful man^e is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7the sinful mind^f is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

12Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.^g And by him we cry, “Abba,^h Father.”16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. Wow, where is my mind set when I am thinking that I am only second best, where is my mind when I let fear have it's way with me? On sinful desires... Where does my mind need to be? On what the Spirit desires!

Learning always learning. Allowing God to speak truth to me is a painful, but healing process. It is like a burn victim who needs all the old dead skin to be slowly pulled of his body, so that the new skin can start to breath and heal, it is very painful, but without removing the old, the new will never have a chance, and that would result in death.

I am on my way to LIFE!!

Blessings!!