I got Nothin...

I got nothin. No grand words or funny stories, nothing deep or inspirational, nothing I really want to share. But since it has almost been a week and I have not posted anything, I figured while I have 5 minutes I should write something.... something.... still got nothin.

Sooooo, I will share a picture from last week. Kevin came home early from work and asked if we wanted to go to the lake to see the big waves. We had a "storm system" move through that is the closest we get to a hurricane in this part of the US. It was pretty big news around here and there was a lot of excitement. We haven't had a storm like this in a very long time. Although, it really didn't storm in the typical sense. We had some rain and wind and that was it. But the waves were big and so that always is exciting.

At the time that I took this picture, I had no idea that the couple standing closest to the pier (tan jacket) was Kevin's Aunt and Uncle. They had come out to see the waves too.

That's all I got... maybe something will hit me later, but I am not counting on it.

Blessings!!

Grandma's Treasures

Every now and then, you get these little surprises in your inbox that just puts a smile on your face and a small tear in your eye.

You know you were loved when after 30 years your pictures and letters were still kept in Grandma's treasure box.

Kevin, you were one of Grandma's treasures!!!

I just have one question... Kevin look how beautiful your handwriting was.... what happened???

Thank you Kerri, for sharing what you found!

Blessings!!

The Picture

Here it is, this is the picture I blogged about on my last post. Thanks to my Mother-In-Law, I have a few more for you to enjoy too.

This last picture makes me smile. Grandma was smiling at Jilli who was smiling at Ama who was taking her picture.

Blessings!!

Kids and Questions

One of the great things about kids is that they are pretty vocal about their grief. There really is no questioning what they are thinking, because they just say it. I think as adults we internalize everything, we are not really open about how our hearts are hurting. We don't express our thoughts and feelings like children.

In this past week I have had to deal with some funny and some sad questions that my kids have asked about death, dying, and living. By far Jilli is my most vocal about Grandma and how she misses her. She wants pictures and she wants to talk about Grandma all the time. She will be random and just blurt out that she misses Grandma and starts crying. Some of the questions I have fielded are....

Is Grandma all sandy now? This came shortly after visiting the grave. The dirt/sand was covering the hole but there was no grass yet. The boys just ask if there is grass over Grandma yet, whenever we drive by the cemetery.

Do you think Grandma is playing with Simba, Nala, and Annie? Jilli had asked when Grandma was still living if when she got to Heaven if she would take care of our puppies that have died. Now she wants to make sure that she is following through with that :-)

Was Grandma your out-law? Micah asked me this before the funeral on Monday. I just had to laugh, I then explained that she was my In-Law and that as far as I knew, I didn't know any out-laws.

Why did Jesus need to take Grandma home to Heaven? Makes me cry every time one of them asks this one.

When praying with Jilli the other night, I didn't pray for Grandpa. She was very quick to say that I needed to pray to Jesus that "Grandpa would be able to have good sleep because he no longer had Grandma to keep him warm."

Do you think Grandma still remembers us? This one came last night and is by far the one that has tugged my heart the most. Of course Jilli was the one who asked this. Glad Kevin was home to help answer this question....

Wednesday night Micah was asked what his favorite memory of Grandma was. His answer.....

Everything.

I was talking, this morning, to the friend that asked him that question and she told me how she thought Micah's answer was so great. I was kind of reflecting on that and then said to her that Grandma wasn't just this old person that you went and saw every now and then. She cultivated a relationship with you. She remembered things and then asked you about them. She couldn't play with the kids, or even go walking with them. But that really didn't seem to matter to them or her. She loved them the very best she could and they knew it.

There is a picture of Jilli when she was younger sitting next to Grandma on the couch at the cottage. Grandma was telling her a story and Jilli was very intent on listening. I wish I could show you that picture, because I think it sums up how Grandma, in her limited physical state, could make you feel like you were the only one in the room. That you were the most important person to her in that moment.

She was very special...

It Is Well...

It's already been a week... and... it's only been a week since we lost Grandma. It's hard to wrap my mind around that. It is easy for me to kind of ignore the emotions, because Grandma wasn't part of our daily life. I can teach the kids, clean the house, make supper and live in ignorance. But Grandpa walks into his condo, and looks at her empty bed. Grandpa can sit next to that bed, but there is no hand to hold, no arm to rub. He doesn't have to try and get her to eat, he can't listen to her quietly breath as she sleeps, the quietness is deafening.

Most of us are not immune to heartache. All of us have experienced pain and trials in our life. Some pain we saw coming, like Grandma's death, and some pain blindsides us. It is how we live through those trials and pain that intrigue me.

Some of us walk gracefully though life's trials, like Grandma. Grandma has been in pain for years, and I honestly don't remember a time that she complained about it. She has been pretty much in bed or laying on the couch for the last several years, but I never heard her say that she wished she could get up and walk on her own again. She lost a lot of her eyesight and I did hear her say she wished she could see again, but that was when she was trying to see one of her great-grandchildren. She had a faith that no matter what came her way she would say "it is well with my soul."

A faith like that is a gift from God. Some of us can really struggle to see God's hand in the hard times of life. Some of us have a harder time being at peace when storms are ripping your life apart. But even though Grandma would struggle with those storms it was easier for her to go from... I don't understand this God, to, I will trust you even in this. It was a beautiful gift to have.

There was another man who had this great gift. His name was Horatio Spafford. He was a lawyer in Chicago. He had 4 daughters and a son. His son died. He invested heavily in real estate along the lakeshore in Chicago. Then the great fire of 1871 happened and he lost most of his holdings. Two years later he, his wife, and 4 daughters were going to take a trip to Europe. Last minute business dealings kept him in town, but he sent his wife and daughters on without him. He would travel a few days later and meet up with them. The ship his family was on was struck by and English vessel and it sunk within minutes of the crash. He received a cable from his wife, "saved alone." He boarded a ship on his way to where his beloved four daughters had drowned, as he neared the spot, the Holy Spirit impressed on him to pen his grief, he started to write... "When sorrows like sea billows roll..." Thus the hymn "It is Well with My Soul" was born.

We sang it at Grandma's funeral. I should say others sang it at Grandma's funeral. I had a hard time squeaking out anything that even remotely sounded like music. Like Horatio, Grandma didn't choose to dwell on the sorrow of life, but said...

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, It is well, It is well, With my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so it is well with my soul.

amen...

The Fog...

Laying in bed I heard the lonely cry of a fog horn. I didn't want to open my eyes, it was too early. A phone started to ring, I jumped up to grab it, looked at who was calling and knew our lives were about to change forever.

The voice on the other end said my name, then all was quiet. I knew what was coming, I tried to say the words but couldn't speak. Then the voice, broken with emotion said the words I didn't want to hear... "Grandma is gone, she died at 3:15 this morning."

We knew that Grandma's time was close, we knew she was in Heavens waiting room, but in our minds we still had time. We weren't yet ready to let her go...our time ran out, but it was Jesus' perfect time to call her home.

There have been many times in my life when God seems to reflect my feelings in the weather. This morning was like no other. Every other morning on the banks of the St. Mary's River were bright and beautiful, crisp and new. But on this morning, God knew that bright and beautiful, wouldn't be appropriate. For He knew his children were grieving the loss of a very special women. He sent us a fog that was so thick you couldn't see 20ft in front of you. Even the freighters, with all their technology, had stopped in the blanket of the fog. It was like God stopping the world for a silent moment of mourning.

I left the trailer to walk the lonely path to the bathhouse and as I did I heard again the fog horn that had awakened me, my heart was feeling such loss, my eyes shedding tears of sorrow. I was thankful for the fog, it hid my pain from peering eyes, I felt safe cocooned in the white mist that surrounded me. Like my Fathers arms holding me as I walked alone in the early morning hours.

It was no coincidence that I had seen that fog rolling in hours earlier. Jilli had awakened me, probably around the time of Grandma's death. As I walked her back to bed we stopped and watched what was in all likelihood, the last freighter to silently move through the water before the fog encompassed us. Looking back on it now, it seems surreal. For I had no idea at the time, that Grandma was taking her last breaths on earth and waking up in Heaven. But our Heavenly Father knew and he knew how that fog would be safety for us hours later when our hearts were so heavy and our eyes shed the tears of sorrow. How amazing it is to me that He knows us so intimately, that he orchestrates even the weather to show us how much He loves and cares for us.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him. Psalm 103:11

Walking back to the trailer I knew that I had to photograph the white mist that God sent to us as a comfort. Just outside our trailer window sat a bench on the bank of the river, as I walked closer it got clearer, but the river was still hidden in the veil of fog.

I took the picture... so that I will always remember.... the fog...

U.P.

I will be snapping my camera away, up in the U.P. (if I can keep it out of Tyler's hands) this week. I will have lots and lots of pictures to share with you when we get back!

Just an FYI, My BIG, MEAN rottweiler will be at home this week, so don't get any idea's....

Yupp, that's Him... and I wouldn't mess with him if I was you...

Blessings!!

Blue Chaos

It's so hard for me to come home and not quick publish a post. I am in town today, but wasn't going to stop home. However, some things came to my attention that needed to be taken care of at home today and so.... I took care of them and now I get to post. So lucky for you!

This was Micah's favorite artprize. He picked it out the first day we were there and stuck with his choice even though he saw 500 other really cool pieces. It was titled "Blue Chaos". He wanted his picture taken by it, which worked out great for me because shock of all shockers, I just happened to have my camera!

Alright...well...I guess that's it for today, hope you are all enjoying this beautiful October weather!

BTW did any one else hear the shout out Kathie Lee Gifford gave Artprize yesterday? Pretty cool, I happened to be watching her show (which I never do) when she talked about how great it was and how much she wished she could have stayed longer to see more.

Blessings!!

The Kids and I

Here are the kids and I at Artprize.

What a gorgeous day to be downtown, this was on our second day (Tuesday). Couldn't have asked for a more beautiful week! Still more pictures to come... I will be "out of the office" for the next few days. Hope you had a great weekend!

Blessings!!

2 Days Down, One To Go

Today will be day 3 down at Artprize with Ama and PopPop. Who would have thought that the kids and I would love Artprize this much. Last year I was unable to get down to see it, although my kids went with Kevin's parents for an afternoon.

When we started the week downtown, my Mother-In-Law and I discussed how long we thought the kids would last. I guess last year they made it about 2 hours. How much difference a year makes.

Monday I think we were down there for 3.5hrs. Tuesday was 5/6hrs and we will see how long we last today. It has been great fun though, interesting to see what each of the kids like and what they don't like. I do have to say some people have a very interesting idea of art. I wish I took a picture of one "art piece" that was basically women's slips hanging on a rope. Mom and I didn't know that we created art every time we hung our clothes out to dry. Who knows... maybe next year I can win $250,000 by hanging Kev's undies on a clothesline.... Hmmmm, need to think more on that.

One of the pieces is a huge card that people can sign their names on. The artist had a marker on the end of a 20ft pole that you could use to sign your name on the top of the card. Thankfully he signed all of our names, cuz I just don't think I could have done it.

Can you pick out our names??

Alright, off to get ready for another fun day with my family more pictures to follow, I have a lot of them!

Blessings!