Do you ever have days that you wish you could forget... We had one of those yesterday.
It was a day that just kept getting worse and as the evening wore on, our eyes were opened to more and more destruction. I will share more later, but as of right now, it just feels as if the life we have known and loved for the last 8 years is quickly coming to a halt. It's a dream that might have to be set aside for this period of our life and it saddens me.
My Mom and Dad stopped by yesterday and as we were talking my Mom reminded me of a trip we were going to make when I was 10 years old. We had been planning it and saving for it for years. We had finally saved enough money ($2000) for our family to drive down to Disney World and camp for a week. The day before our departure, our blue van was packed and ready to go when something went wrong on it. My Dad took it to our family mechanic and was told that the van was unsafe for travel and it would cost $2000 to fix it.
Years, of digging through trash cans at the beach, looking for pop cans to turn in for ten cents, years of planning and reading books on the best and least expensive way to experience Disney World, down the tubes. Little did we know that we had scrimped and saved to fix our only vehicle, not a family trip.
It was a devastating blow to all of us. Even now as I think back, I still feel the feelings of loss. But as my Mom pointed out, it was an important life lesson.
Last night, as I was shedding some tears, one of my best friends, who is such an amazing women, wrote me this....
"Oh Lyn, I am so sorry. I know how frustrating it is with minor issues... I can only imagine how discouraged you are right now-- and I know its frustrating for several reasons. God will get you thru this and while its hard to count your blessings right now, stop and remember what He has done.... Kev has work, you have a home, your daughter who was supposed to be crippled dances, and you do not have the C word hanging over your head. He does miracles - big and small - every day. We all face trials, but this all develops perseverance. James:1-3. In the physical, yup, this sucks and I weep with you. In the spiritual, I know He wants you to have joy... and this trial may be serving a greater purpose. It just sucks on this side..."
She lovingly spoke to my hurt and then gently pointed my eyes back where they needed to be. God blessed me so throughly when he placed her in my life 19 years ago!
As the kids started to understand the scope of the situation, Jilli just kept saying... "God has a plan, we have to trust in God's plan." She cried too, but she didn't waver in trusting her Savior. She is SEVEN and speaking truth to her Momma, showing me what a child-like faith looks like. It's humbling...
Today is pick-up-the-pieces-and-try-and-figure-out-what-to-do day. The rain outside speaks to my mood, my soft instrumental music soothing my hurting heart, and my almost minute by minute prayer is "I am trusting You, I know your plans are for our good."
Back to the Disney story.... Our family never made it to Disney, then when I was 18yrs old, I went with some friends on Spring Break to Florida and one of our planned stops was Disney, long story very short, I didn't end up making it there then either. However on May 19, 1997 I saw Disney World for the first time with my new husband. He was the one who showed me all the fun rides and special places, his hand was the one I was holding when I saw Cinderella's Castle for the first time. He was the one who laughed at me while I rolled my eyes because he MADE me go on the WORST ride ever... It's a Small World. So, my Disney story does have a happy ending, it just took awhile to get there.
Today, it's hard to see what is around the corner, but in the words of Jilli "God has a plan, we have to trust in God's plan."
Blessings!!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Sweet 16 and Counting
This past weekend we hit another milestone in our lives. Part of me can't believe it and the other part of me has a hard time remembering life any differently.
Kevin and I are beating the statistics by God's grace. 16 years, I have almost been married longer than my pre-Kevin years.... just a few more months and we tip the scales the other way.
I can honestly say marriage grows sweeter with time. Kevin and I have moved to a place where we work so well together, it hard to imagine life without the other. We enjoy just being together.
When I was a young women I remember my Mom telling me that when I married I had to work hard at finding hobbies to do with my spouse. That to create a life long friendship takes work, but it is well worth the effort. I have taken my Mom's advise to heart. Over the years we have discovered things that we enjoy doing together, we have found hobbies we both like. Our friendship has continued to grow.
My Mom also told me that these hobbies you create together will help you through the years as your children grow up and leave your home. So often, after the children are gone, spouses find out there isn't much they have in common anymore. As Kevin and I were having dinner Saturday night together, we talked about how we continue another 16 years together. The next 16 years we will see our children grown and move out, starting families of their own. We will need our hobbies to help bridge that gap. Especially me, who's sole purpose has been to raise and equip my children for life outside of my jurisdiction.
Few men in my life do I have as much respect for as I do Kevin. As I was standing next to him in church on Sunday and we were singing praises to our Savior, I looked up at him, and was overwhelmed with love for this man. Kevin has stood as the head of our family protecting us from all that the world throws at us. I look at him and see a man of strength, a man who knows what he believes and stands strong when others crumble around him. I see a man who takes the role that God has given him willingly, he is our leader. I see a man who has been gifted with an amazing talent and uses it to provide for his family. I see a man who earnestly tries to do his best in all that he does. A man of Strong Character, a man of Honor, a man of Integrity.
This is for my Children... Satan speaks many lies that the world happily believes. Satan says that not all men can be men who are leaders and that most men are spineless and worthless. God says that the Man is the head of his household. So boys, learn how to be a great leader from your Daddy, he has modeled it well for you. Jilli, someday you will be a wife, I pray I modeled for you how to stand strong next your husband, but not take his leadership role away from him like so many women do. Submission is not a bad word, it is a strong women who can submit and honor her husband. And kids, when life gets hard and you want to give up, hold strong, God's blessings for marriage are on the other side of the storms. You will grow as a husband and wife through the bad times and soar through the good. Love God above all else, then your spouse, then your kids... in that order. Daddy and I are enjoying the blessings of God because we didn't give up when the world said to give up, we held tight to God when nothing else made sense. Our prayer is that years from now we will celebrate your anniversaries with your spouses, and our family's legacy of beautiful loving marriages will continue!
Kevin and I are beating the statistics by God's grace. 16 years, I have almost been married longer than my pre-Kevin years.... just a few more months and we tip the scales the other way.
I can honestly say marriage grows sweeter with time. Kevin and I have moved to a place where we work so well together, it hard to imagine life without the other. We enjoy just being together.
When I was a young women I remember my Mom telling me that when I married I had to work hard at finding hobbies to do with my spouse. That to create a life long friendship takes work, but it is well worth the effort. I have taken my Mom's advise to heart. Over the years we have discovered things that we enjoy doing together, we have found hobbies we both like. Our friendship has continued to grow.
My Mom also told me that these hobbies you create together will help you through the years as your children grow up and leave your home. So often, after the children are gone, spouses find out there isn't much they have in common anymore. As Kevin and I were having dinner Saturday night together, we talked about how we continue another 16 years together. The next 16 years we will see our children grown and move out, starting families of their own. We will need our hobbies to help bridge that gap. Especially me, who's sole purpose has been to raise and equip my children for life outside of my jurisdiction.
Few men in my life do I have as much respect for as I do Kevin. As I was standing next to him in church on Sunday and we were singing praises to our Savior, I looked up at him, and was overwhelmed with love for this man. Kevin has stood as the head of our family protecting us from all that the world throws at us. I look at him and see a man of strength, a man who knows what he believes and stands strong when others crumble around him. I see a man who takes the role that God has given him willingly, he is our leader. I see a man who has been gifted with an amazing talent and uses it to provide for his family. I see a man who earnestly tries to do his best in all that he does. A man of Strong Character, a man of Honor, a man of Integrity.
This is for my Children... Satan speaks many lies that the world happily believes. Satan says that not all men can be men who are leaders and that most men are spineless and worthless. God says that the Man is the head of his household. So boys, learn how to be a great leader from your Daddy, he has modeled it well for you. Jilli, someday you will be a wife, I pray I modeled for you how to stand strong next your husband, but not take his leadership role away from him like so many women do. Submission is not a bad word, it is a strong women who can submit and honor her husband. And kids, when life gets hard and you want to give up, hold strong, God's blessings for marriage are on the other side of the storms. You will grow as a husband and wife through the bad times and soar through the good. Love God above all else, then your spouse, then your kids... in that order. Daddy and I are enjoying the blessings of God because we didn't give up when the world said to give up, we held tight to God when nothing else made sense. Our prayer is that years from now we will celebrate your anniversaries with your spouses, and our family's legacy of beautiful loving marriages will continue!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Chair Parade
Let me give you a snapshot into what a typical evening looks like on the banks of the St. Mary's River for our ever growing UP group.
Chairs come out and start lining up all on there own.
Then slowly people come out to become one with their chairs.
The kids usually don't claim a chair. They are too busy running around or playing the latest "Grandma Linda" game.
Even I get captured on my way to my chair.
And the climax of the chair-lined parade??
The very special freighter The Edwin H. Gott who salutes the campground every time he floats by.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Painted Sky
The first year we made our way to the UP, it was cold. Jilli was around 15 mos old. We went to bed one night and woke up to 6 inches of snow on the ground. We were bundled up in winter jackets, hats, and gloves, just to take a step out of the trailer. But it is a year Kev and I will never forget.
Kev stepped out of the trailer about midnight to make sure our water hadn't frozen up yet and there in the sky were the dancing lights. He called me out and we stood for as long as we could watching the green glowing vapors move across the night sky. I could have burst into song, but I think it would have frozen in my throat had I tried. And tears (which I am so famous for) would have frozen as ice mounds on my eyelids. But it was that moving. It was like watching God paint the sky.
Every year since that magical night Kevin and I always look to the skies before we close our eyes for the last time at night, in hopes of catching another glimpse of the magic in the sky. And every year the magic glow as not made an appearance. But God does not disappoint, he sends us amazing sunsets that color the sky pink and sunrises that I usually miss out on.
Blessings!!
Kev stepped out of the trailer about midnight to make sure our water hadn't frozen up yet and there in the sky were the dancing lights. He called me out and we stood for as long as we could watching the green glowing vapors move across the night sky. I could have burst into song, but I think it would have frozen in my throat had I tried. And tears (which I am so famous for) would have frozen as ice mounds on my eyelids. But it was that moving. It was like watching God paint the sky.
Every year since that magical night Kevin and I always look to the skies before we close our eyes for the last time at night, in hopes of catching another glimpse of the magic in the sky. And every year the magic glow as not made an appearance. But God does not disappoint, he sends us amazing sunsets that color the sky pink and sunrises that I usually miss out on.
Friday, May 10, 2013
The Last Two
I have two final pictures from the Soo Locks Tour. These are the last two pictures I took as we were crossing over the Locks doors heading back to the "Main Land".
Here is one looking upbound at an empty lock.
Here is one looking downbound.
Blessings!!
Here is one looking upbound at an empty lock.
Here is one looking downbound.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
My Grandma Would be Proud
What do you do, when you are in your trailer, you have a child that can't stop coughing, and you have no humidifier??
That was the question I faced at 2am Wednesday morning. I got out a blanket, trapped it in the doors of our cabinets (that are over the couch) and made a little tent. Then I took my biggest pan and started some water to boil. Next I took a chair from our table, turned it so the back of it was next to the couch. When the water was done boiling, I added some drops of peppermint essential oil, placed it on the seat of the chair, tucked in my baby girl with her blankets and crawled back into bed.
This is what it looked like come morning. Jilli liked it so much she spent most of the morning cuddled inside of her little tent.
**please excuse the poor picture quality**
That was the question I faced at 2am Wednesday morning. I got out a blanket, trapped it in the doors of our cabinets (that are over the couch) and made a little tent. Then I took my biggest pan and started some water to boil. Next I took a chair from our table, turned it so the back of it was next to the couch. When the water was done boiling, I added some drops of peppermint essential oil, placed it on the seat of the chair, tucked in my baby girl with her blankets and crawled back into bed.
**please excuse the poor picture quality**
Monday, April 29, 2013
The Tower
A view not many people get to see. The control tower of the Soo Locks.
A few interesting facts about the control tower. It's about 5-6 stories up. We had to climb up all those stairs because the elevator only fits 2 people at one time. The elevator is located in the original chimney stack (that is way it is so small). There is only two people that work in the tower during their 12 hour shifts. There is a very small "kitchenette" for them to use for preparing meals. And, since every room has to have two ways out in case of a fire, they have harnesses to repel down the outside of the tower (as of our tour, no one had gotten up the courage to try that form of escape).
Here is the view looking downbound.... towards our campground.
Here is one that Jilli took.
A few interesting facts about the control tower. It's about 5-6 stories up. We had to climb up all those stairs because the elevator only fits 2 people at one time. The elevator is located in the original chimney stack (that is way it is so small). There is only two people that work in the tower during their 12 hour shifts. There is a very small "kitchenette" for them to use for preparing meals. And, since every room has to have two ways out in case of a fire, they have harnesses to repel down the outside of the tower (as of our tour, no one had gotten up the courage to try that form of escape).
It was gorgeous up there. What an amazing view of not only the locks but Canada and the surrounding area.
I know you are all thinking.... Two people up in a tower for 12 hours... they have a little kitchenette for keeping their food cool and preparation, what happens when they eat, and that food and drink start moving in a downward pattern? Good question... our kids asked that question too!! So on our way back down all those stairs, Mike showed us a little stairway tucked around the corner a half-flight down from the control room.
The bathroom is located just around the corner from Jilli, and it is as small as the staircase to get there.
Well, there you go, a quick glimpse inside the Soo Locks Control Tower!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Blog Reloaded
OK, I think that I have all the pictures back up, so if you want to go back and see those pictures they are there again! If there is a post I missed that I need to update, let me know!!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
RESULTS and What Now...
Sorry to keep you waiting to hear what the results of the biopsy are. "Rare benign follicular cells" is the what the nodule came back as. Super exciting for Kevin and I as we had been praying for a cancer free result.
So now what do I do.....
Great question, Kevin and I are still trying to navigate through that one. I have only two options.
1. Wait 3-6 months to see if my body will absorb the fluid in the cyst. I will have to have ultrasounds done every 3 months to monitor the nodule. If the cyst gets larger than 4 cm then I have to have surgery.
2. Surgery to remove half of my thyroid. If I choose (or am forced to have) surgery, then I will be sent to the University of Michigan where there is a doctor that my doctor trusts. Apparently this is a delicate surgery as there is a nerve that runs along my thyroid that if compromised would leave me talking very funny for the rest of my life, or not at all.
As of right now, I think we are taking the wait and see approach with a heavy dose of prayer. I have also have been working on some natural approaches to this issue as well.
My doctor did talk in depth about many aspects of my health with me. I might share some of that down the road as I digest what was said and what I am going to do about it.
For those that have been praying.... Thank You!! For the women who circled the wagons around me and laid hands on me... Thank You!! I was talking with a good friend yesterday and I commented on how God has blessed me with some pretty amazing friends. I have some pretty amazing family too... the morning of my biopsy my Sister-In-Law was texting me letting me know her thoughts were with me. My sister was texting me through out the morning as she was at one urgent care facility waiting for a doctor and I was at another medical facility waiting for another doctor. Besides my husband, I had 3 family members able and willing to take me to my biopsy. Even our church leaders have been surrounding us in prayer. That is just a small sample of how blessed I am.
As Kevin and I take a day at a time, please continue to pray for God's direction and healing!
Blessings!!
So now what do I do.....
Great question, Kevin and I are still trying to navigate through that one. I have only two options.
1. Wait 3-6 months to see if my body will absorb the fluid in the cyst. I will have to have ultrasounds done every 3 months to monitor the nodule. If the cyst gets larger than 4 cm then I have to have surgery.
2. Surgery to remove half of my thyroid. If I choose (or am forced to have) surgery, then I will be sent to the University of Michigan where there is a doctor that my doctor trusts. Apparently this is a delicate surgery as there is a nerve that runs along my thyroid that if compromised would leave me talking very funny for the rest of my life, or not at all.
As of right now, I think we are taking the wait and see approach with a heavy dose of prayer. I have also have been working on some natural approaches to this issue as well.
My doctor did talk in depth about many aspects of my health with me. I might share some of that down the road as I digest what was said and what I am going to do about it.
For those that have been praying.... Thank You!! For the women who circled the wagons around me and laid hands on me... Thank You!! I was talking with a good friend yesterday and I commented on how God has blessed me with some pretty amazing friends. I have some pretty amazing family too... the morning of my biopsy my Sister-In-Law was texting me letting me know her thoughts were with me. My sister was texting me through out the morning as she was at one urgent care facility waiting for a doctor and I was at another medical facility waiting for another doctor. Besides my husband, I had 3 family members able and willing to take me to my biopsy. Even our church leaders have been surrounding us in prayer. That is just a small sample of how blessed I am.
As Kevin and I take a day at a time, please continue to pray for God's direction and healing!
Blessings!!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Courage
I chose to do it alone. I didn't know exactly what to expect, I had several people offer to take me to my biospy, but I knew that if I was in pain, I couldn't look into the eyes of anyone, especially my husband's, and see my pain reflected there (I would lose it), and I knew that sometimes, being alone, you are braver than being with those that love you most.
Off I went, slowly making my way down to the Lemmen-Holton Cancer Pavilion. Then I gradually made my way up to the Radiology floor, where they would conduct my test.
I was nervous, I HATE needles. I guess to be more exact, I HATE needles pointed at me. I could give you shots and draw your blood anytime, but those needles are pointed at you... Anyway, I was told that the worst part of the whole procedure was the numbing and then from that point on, it was a piece of cake. They were little off on that description...
After I registered I sat down to wait to be called back. There were several people waiting and after a few minutes the nurse walked right up to me and said "Lynette, you want to follow me back?" She was very sweet, but I am still left wondering how she knew exactly who I was. The only thing I could figure out was that I was holding a purple folder and the receptionist informs the nurses what color folder you have. Hopefully I won't be having to make any more trips down there to figure out their system.
I was brought to a "holding cell" for a vitals check, last minute questions, and change into a gown (I so was not expecting that). Then the nurse left, Oh, she did bring me one of those warm blankets, love those things, I ask for them every chance I get when I happen to be at a hospital (which thankfully isn't often). Then I waited....and waited...and waited...and waited... the nurse came back to let me know that another procedure ran a little long and it would be just a few more minutes. I am usually a very patient, patient. Working in the medical field for several years, I understand how easy it is to get behind schedule. But today, I wasn't in the mood for waiting. I wanted this done and over with. With every tick of the minute hand, my heart rate ticked faster and faster.
When I thought my heart would burst out of my chest, two very sweet young nurses (I think I have 10 years on them easy...I am getting old) came and got me. I knew I was in good hands when one of the nurses was holding a warmed blanket for me without me even asking for another one.
They brought me to this huge room with all kinds of state-of-the-art equipment. They had me lay on this table and they wrapped me in that warm blanket. It was FREEZING in there! The girls hooked me up to machines to check my ever increasing vitals. They finished getting ready for the procedure, then turned the lights off and turned on the ultrasound machine. They told me to hold tight, the doctor would be there in a few minutes.
Just typing this again, makes my heart race...
On Sunday we had a really good sermon on courage...appropriate, I thought. So while I was laying on that table in a dark room that was FREEZING, I was praying over and over for courage. That God would be there to walk me through this scary time. I prayed that God would keep me calm and my heart rate steady.
The doctor came in with the nurses right behind him. He quickly explained what he would be doing and he started setting up. This was a sterile procedure, so I was mopped with alcohol, draped with sterile towels and told not to move. He was very kind, because I asked a lot of questions as he was working and he patiently answered all of them.
The time came for the local to be administered. I took a huge breath and slowly released it. One of the nurses came to my right side, found my hand and asked if I wanted to hold hers. I grabbed it, and held on tight. Poor girl, I squeezed her hand so hard... The other nurse grabbed my other hand and that is the way I stayed for pretty much the whole procedure. The nurses were literally working one-handed for the doctor.
The biopsy was guided by ultrasound, the screen was located just to the right of my head, so I had a perfect viewing of what was happening inside of me.
So the numbing was done and I thought that I was home free. I was told they were going to take three samples of the nodule and then aspirate the cyst.
*********WARNING STOP READING HERE IF YOU GET SQUEAMISH********
As he was inserting the first needle, he told me not to swallow (I promptly swallowed), then he placed the needle where he wanted it and start shaking it...this was to shake free cells that would go into the shaft of the needle. However, the "you won't feel anything once you are numb" was a little off. I felt a lot. I think the needle kept hitting a nerve, because my whole body would jump and pain would shoot through me as he shook it back and forth. The nurses were holding my hands and asking me if I was "OK".
As the "needle shaking" was taking place one of the nurses "said wow, what is that." The ultrasound looked like a snow globe. Just like my first ultrasound, you saw all these particles falling. The doctor explained to her what it was and the conversation about how interesting that was ensued. I closed my eyes and prayed for courage...
As soon as the needle left my body, the nurses commented on how my body completely relaxed. They said I shouldn't know when the needle was in or out, but I did. Then we repeated the above process two more times. I asked the doctor how big the nodule was and he said about .5cm. He told me he wished it was a little bigger, so that is was easier for him to get samples.
Then it was time to aspirate. The doctor asked for a 3cc syringe, he inserted it into the cyst and boy oh boy, I almost came off the table. He slowly sucked out the fluid, removed the needle and I said "we're done now right?" The nurses squeezed my hands and the doctor said "No, there is a lot more fluid in there than I thought. I need to aspirate again. I closed my eyes and prayed for courage. The doctor then asked for a 10cc syringe.
He inserted that needle for the last time. I had my eyes shut tight and as hard as I tried to prevent them, tears silently fell. The nurses we so sweet, talking me through the last of the procedure, willing me to hold on just a minute longer. The doctor finally finished, told me that he expected the cyst to fill back up again, but that for now all the fluid he could remove was gone.
I asked to see what all they removed from me. They showed me the fluid the cell samples were in, but of course the cells are too small for me to see. Then they showed me how much fluid came out of the cyst. I was amazed, and very thankful it was all over.
******************************SAFE TO READ AGAIN****************************
Knowing what I know now about the procedure, if I could go back, I still would go it alone. I don't like people seeing me in pain. The nurses were awesome, they held my hands and rubbed my arms. And God.... He was whispering "take courage" and never left my side.
I came home, was taken out to lunch by Kevin's parents, then crashed. I laid on the couch, in the middle of the afternoon, and promptly fell asleep only to be woken up by my doorbell about an hour later. It was my mailman handing me a package, telling me that he wanted to drop it off right away. Inside the package...............
My BFF cousin from across the pond sent me the most amazing after-procedure-treat, KRINGLE!! Oh yeah, and it's just about all gone already. Kringle is like water in the desert, food for a starving man, blood for a mosquito... ya'll have no idea.
I am thankful yesterday is yesterday, done and gone. Now we wait to get the results back. My neck is quite sore, I still have a lump, but I was told to expect that. We still are believing that the results will come back "thyroid tissue" and I won't have to have surgery.
For those that have been praying.... THANK YOU!
Off I went, slowly making my way down to the Lemmen-Holton Cancer Pavilion. Then I gradually made my way up to the Radiology floor, where they would conduct my test.
I was nervous, I HATE needles. I guess to be more exact, I HATE needles pointed at me. I could give you shots and draw your blood anytime, but those needles are pointed at you... Anyway, I was told that the worst part of the whole procedure was the numbing and then from that point on, it was a piece of cake. They were little off on that description...
After I registered I sat down to wait to be called back. There were several people waiting and after a few minutes the nurse walked right up to me and said "Lynette, you want to follow me back?" She was very sweet, but I am still left wondering how she knew exactly who I was. The only thing I could figure out was that I was holding a purple folder and the receptionist informs the nurses what color folder you have. Hopefully I won't be having to make any more trips down there to figure out their system.
I was brought to a "holding cell" for a vitals check, last minute questions, and change into a gown (I so was not expecting that). Then the nurse left, Oh, she did bring me one of those warm blankets, love those things, I ask for them every chance I get when I happen to be at a hospital (which thankfully isn't often). Then I waited....and waited...and waited...and waited... the nurse came back to let me know that another procedure ran a little long and it would be just a few more minutes. I am usually a very patient, patient. Working in the medical field for several years, I understand how easy it is to get behind schedule. But today, I wasn't in the mood for waiting. I wanted this done and over with. With every tick of the minute hand, my heart rate ticked faster and faster.
When I thought my heart would burst out of my chest, two very sweet young nurses (I think I have 10 years on them easy...I am getting old) came and got me. I knew I was in good hands when one of the nurses was holding a warmed blanket for me without me even asking for another one.
They brought me to this huge room with all kinds of state-of-the-art equipment. They had me lay on this table and they wrapped me in that warm blanket. It was FREEZING in there! The girls hooked me up to machines to check my ever increasing vitals. They finished getting ready for the procedure, then turned the lights off and turned on the ultrasound machine. They told me to hold tight, the doctor would be there in a few minutes.
Just typing this again, makes my heart race...
On Sunday we had a really good sermon on courage...appropriate, I thought. So while I was laying on that table in a dark room that was FREEZING, I was praying over and over for courage. That God would be there to walk me through this scary time. I prayed that God would keep me calm and my heart rate steady.
The doctor came in with the nurses right behind him. He quickly explained what he would be doing and he started setting up. This was a sterile procedure, so I was mopped with alcohol, draped with sterile towels and told not to move. He was very kind, because I asked a lot of questions as he was working and he patiently answered all of them.
The time came for the local to be administered. I took a huge breath and slowly released it. One of the nurses came to my right side, found my hand and asked if I wanted to hold hers. I grabbed it, and held on tight. Poor girl, I squeezed her hand so hard... The other nurse grabbed my other hand and that is the way I stayed for pretty much the whole procedure. The nurses were literally working one-handed for the doctor.
The biopsy was guided by ultrasound, the screen was located just to the right of my head, so I had a perfect viewing of what was happening inside of me.
So the numbing was done and I thought that I was home free. I was told they were going to take three samples of the nodule and then aspirate the cyst.
*********WARNING STOP READING HERE IF YOU GET SQUEAMISH********
As he was inserting the first needle, he told me not to swallow (I promptly swallowed), then he placed the needle where he wanted it and start shaking it...this was to shake free cells that would go into the shaft of the needle. However, the "you won't feel anything once you are numb" was a little off. I felt a lot. I think the needle kept hitting a nerve, because my whole body would jump and pain would shoot through me as he shook it back and forth. The nurses were holding my hands and asking me if I was "OK".
As the "needle shaking" was taking place one of the nurses "said wow, what is that." The ultrasound looked like a snow globe. Just like my first ultrasound, you saw all these particles falling. The doctor explained to her what it was and the conversation about how interesting that was ensued. I closed my eyes and prayed for courage...
As soon as the needle left my body, the nurses commented on how my body completely relaxed. They said I shouldn't know when the needle was in or out, but I did. Then we repeated the above process two more times. I asked the doctor how big the nodule was and he said about .5cm. He told me he wished it was a little bigger, so that is was easier for him to get samples.
Then it was time to aspirate. The doctor asked for a 3cc syringe, he inserted it into the cyst and boy oh boy, I almost came off the table. He slowly sucked out the fluid, removed the needle and I said "we're done now right?" The nurses squeezed my hands and the doctor said "No, there is a lot more fluid in there than I thought. I need to aspirate again. I closed my eyes and prayed for courage. The doctor then asked for a 10cc syringe.
He inserted that needle for the last time. I had my eyes shut tight and as hard as I tried to prevent them, tears silently fell. The nurses we so sweet, talking me through the last of the procedure, willing me to hold on just a minute longer. The doctor finally finished, told me that he expected the cyst to fill back up again, but that for now all the fluid he could remove was gone.
I asked to see what all they removed from me. They showed me the fluid the cell samples were in, but of course the cells are too small for me to see. Then they showed me how much fluid came out of the cyst. I was amazed, and very thankful it was all over.
******************************SAFE TO READ AGAIN****************************
Knowing what I know now about the procedure, if I could go back, I still would go it alone. I don't like people seeing me in pain. The nurses were awesome, they held my hands and rubbed my arms. And God.... He was whispering "take courage" and never left my side.
I came home, was taken out to lunch by Kevin's parents, then crashed. I laid on the couch, in the middle of the afternoon, and promptly fell asleep only to be woken up by my doorbell about an hour later. It was my mailman handing me a package, telling me that he wanted to drop it off right away. Inside the package...............
I am thankful yesterday is yesterday, done and gone. Now we wait to get the results back. My neck is quite sore, I still have a lump, but I was told to expect that. We still are believing that the results will come back "thyroid tissue" and I won't have to have surgery.
For those that have been praying.... THANK YOU!
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